The Voice of Truth

It's 4 am and I have found myself up all night again. It's been a crazy week of going non stop, and I guess tonight was no different. I would like to say it's the first time in a long time that this has happened but it would be a lie. It happens more and more. I feel like I have so much to say and yet no clue how to say it. It would be great if I could at least get things all in order. 

I find I have been spending a lot of time just wondering if what I know I have been called to do is going to cause problems with my kids, or if they will understand. I know it's just the enemy trying to get me down but it's really been on my mind. The other day as if out of no where something happened that seemed to set my mind at ease. The boys and I have spent the last several days in Dallas for my oldest son's S.T.E.M. National Youth Leadership camp, and my youngest and I spent some time just seeing the sights of Dallas. We had an amazing time, and Sam and I got to spend some one on one time with each other. 

 Proud mom moment!! He is growing to fast!!! 

My Sweet Sam loves him some Lego's!!! 

As we were on the way back from Lego land one afternoon, something happened and it really hit me right in the face.... 

It was hot, as seems to be the case in Dallas in late June, and we had spent some time playing in Lego Land and got on the road to "home" at the wrong time we had hoped to. In hopes to miss some traffic (as if you really could) we wanted to either get out early or stay a little extra longer to avoid as much of rush hours (yes I said hours, it seems rush hour lasts a few hours) as we could. However we found ourselves enjoying the late afternoon rush of folks heading home. As we made our way along, I hear Sam humming a tune that sounded very familiar but I couldn't place it. So I listened a little closer and finally asked him what he was humming. 

I wasn't ready for what he said.... "ummmm... mom... it's that truth song we listen to".... ummmm... okay... So I said ..."can you sing a little of it because I can't place it"... 

And he starts in...." The voice of truth says 'do not be afraid' ...."

AHHHH.... That one....

I said..." Oh ok bud.... that's a good song"  He says ..."yeah mom the Bible says.. don't be afraid..."!

What kind of timing He has. 

I just drove along feeling like I was going to just bust out and cry right there in the middle of downtown traffic. You see, I have been blasted with how much it seems I have failed at so many things over the years. How can I think I could do any of it right. It felt like every turn I made it was the wrong one. But sitting there, driving in that hot late afternoon Dallas traffic my sweet 10 year old son was delivering a message right to me. Horns going, cars every where, we hadn't turned any music on so to make sure I could hear the GPS just fine and I would make no mistakes getting us back, and it seems the GPS was not what I needed to hear. 
We made it "home" that afternoon just fine, and as we walked up the stairs he turned and looked at me and said.... "Hey mom.... you are the best mom ever, I love you.... oh and mom... we all have bad days, sometimes lots of bad days together but it's all going to be ok... don't worry...don't be afraid....", he smiled the sweetest smile and turned and ran on up the stairs ahead of me ready to get back in the A/C and something to eat. 

I was in awe of how perfect his words were right then, and I stood there for a moment and smiled. 

As soon as we got in the house, he was off to watch TV as he wait for something to eat. 

I don't think he will ever fully understand the gravity of what had just happened. My little boy delivered a message that I needed more then words can express. 

I think it just goes to show that the Lord can speak to us in many different ways, and different times when we least expect it. He can speak to us, and through us,  if we are just open to hear. 

Phillip Yancy said.... "I can not control the voice of God or how it comes. I can only control my 'ears'- my readiness to listen and quickness to respond."


I can't say that I am always open to hear like I should be, but I am working on it. I hope that as I go on down this road my ears will be open more and more and He will come easier to hear. I pray that everyone will hear and be open to His word. I also pray that my sweet boy will never lose the ability to deliver His message, and will always be open to His word. That day my sweet 10 year old boy preached to his momma in a way no one else could. 

I just had to share what a beautiful moment I was blessed with and hope that maybe the words of a 10 year old boy might ring through to someone else.... "I love you... we all have bad days, sometimes lots of bad days together but it's all going to be ok... don't worry...don't be afraid...."! 

Here is the song, just in case anyone needed to hear this too!!!

The Voice

Have you ever had a moment as a grown adult that you just are giddy in a store. Like Christmas morning giddy.... I totally squelled in delight in a store this past week. I am a 38 year old woman and I squeeled in a store! 

So what happened you ask.... oh I am so glad you asked.... let me tell you! 

So on this particular day I was actually in the store, ok Hobby Lobby, and I was looking for something completely unrelated (honestly I didn't know they sold books) and just happen to walk by a far check out line (no one was manning it) that had the cute little key chains that I spotted. No I was not really looking for a key chain, I just simply got side tracked, as I always seem to do in this store. You see I have a love for flamingos and yes.... there was a flamingo key chain that I just happen to spot. 

As I got closer I noticed that there were books. Curious as to the books they might have, maybe something to do with design or decor, I realized they were not something I was expecting, devotionals and journals, beautifully decorated with tiny little flowers and little flakes of gold. As I circled around the end I see it, the book I have been wanting to read and just really dive into, and at a great deal.... I couldn't believe my eyes. I was just like a little girl on Christmas morning. I immediately snatched it up and placed it in my cart, and headed to checkout!! 

I was so excited to dive in but couldn't put the other one down, and I am not that kind of gal that I start one before I finish another. I could give you all kinds of reasons as to why and sound real cool, but really is I don't think I could focus on two books at the same time and actually get anything from them.  Don't get me wrong the other book was/is fantastic, and I would recommend everyone take some time to read it! You will defiantly be blessed. 

That evening I finished up the 1st book and thought long and hard about starting the new one but decided against it. I didn't want to risk staying up all night reading and then regret sets in about mid day the next day at work. So I opted for prayer and curling up in bed for a good nights sleep. However I tossed and turned wondering what was in this book. So I peeked.... and the peek grew into reading. I decided I would only read  a few pages and that turned into rounding out the first chapter. And in true Me fashion... I have to bust out the highlighter and pencil.

I now have the first chapter down and am looking forward to the rest of the book.  So if you are looking for a fantastic book I highly recommend this one! 

Enjoy!!!! Oh and don't forget your highlighter!!!!

Rescue

I began this post almost a month ago and never seemed to be able to start it like I wanted to or say what I wanted to. It seems the words just couldn't make their way on to the page as I wanted them to. My thoughts came jumbled up and all over till I finally just got up and left it for another day. Days would pass and I would open up to finish, and nothing sounded right, the words would just be off. So I would close it up and leave it for another day again. It seems after a month of going back and forth I am here again, at 12:30 in the morning, deleting everything that I had typed and starting new. 

Unable to sleep again because there is something on my mind. I feel like the Lord and I have some of our best conversations in the wee hours in the morning. It's as if he is saying, "Now you have nothing going on and we need to talk". Sometimes I wonder if it's a test to see if I will obey or if I will push Him aside. I would love to say that I always drop to my knees and talk with my King, but that would be a lie. Sometimes I walk the floor just trying to avoid a heart wrenching talk that I know we need to have. Just one more stronghold to destroy at 1 am, and I feel like I just can't take anymore. The constant state of emotional tears of dealing with things I would like to just move on from. Realizing that the only way to move on is to place them in my Fathers hand. You would think I would actively look forward to this. A freeing moment, however reliving old wounds is never fun. I know He wants this so that I can continue to move forward and grow. But just when I think I am knocking these strongholds down with Him more seem to pop up. I get discouraged, frustrated and angry at myself, and soon realize there is always going to be work to do, Hello newly discovered stronghold. 

I just wanted to take a few moments to share with you all of this because maybe there is someone out there who is feeling the same way. Two steps forward and three steps back sometimes, or at least that's how it feels. I am here to tell you that you are not alone. The enemy just want's us to feel that we are so we wallow in this. He wants to keep us from what we are meant to do. 
Don't let him. Don't give in.... fall down to your knees and have that hard conversation let God help you destroy the strongholds. It may seem painful and suffocating but it's only like that because we don't do what He leads us to do, give it all to Him, because we want to do it ourselves or just not deal with it at all. He truly is the only one who can help. He is the great physician, and He longs for you to let Him help. 

As with most of my life it seems a song can say it best and this one really has hit the nail on the head....




He will rescue you. He is waiting for you to just say the words, accept Him. 
I lived for many years angry, hurt, feeling abandoned, beaten down physically and emotionally, broken, and tired of the pain, I have been lied to, lied about, used and discarded like trash. Wishing that someone would just take the pain away. One night, in the early hours of the morning He found me in the middle of the darkness and He came for me when I needed Him because all I could do was cry out to the Lord. 
"In my distress I cried out to the Lord and He heard me" Psalms 120:1 
It happened just like that. It's like he was waiting, just at the edge of Heaven waiting for my call, my cry. At that moment, the healer came to start the healing process. As much as I would like for it to hurry along and be done, it all happens in His time. Like a wound that is healing, the scab looks nasty, and it itches and it hurts but once the scab is gone there will be new pretty skin. You will be made new again!

Philippians 1:6 "Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Jesus Christ" 

I look forward to that day. I have hope again for a day that the pain never bothers me again. I feel that the sting of the abuse and hurt will be a constant reminder of what I have over come, even though there is new skin the scar is still there lots are physical and many are unseen but with the help of my Lord the hope replaces the pain. It doesn't control my life anymore and I am learning to welcome the early morning down pour, but just like Jacob walked with a limp after his encounter with God I will always have that reminder, BUT then GOD steps in and the joy of knowing that because of Jesus and the cross I have hope for a better tomorrow because He didn't save me to leave me here. He will continue His good works in me. 

Recently I was reminded again just how I don't listen that good all the time. I was sitting in the doctors office because of some back issues and the pain had got to a boiling point, and he said to me...."Do you know what a girdle is for?" and of course I said yes.... He says "your core has gotten so weak that your back is doing work it shouldn't have to do, and it's causing you problems"... yes I know.... after 9 operations in my core area the muscles have become so weak that my back was picking up the slack. My back was trying to correct my body. It wasn't designed to carry that kind of weight, no ones is, that's why the core or abdominal muscles are so vital to your health. They are what move you, not your back. Now according to Paul the first piece of armor he mentions in Ephesians is the Belt of Truth, because you start with a solid foundation in the truth, ie... the WORD OF GOD. 
In learning all this I seen the issue with my back. That I was weak, and I needed to start from the beginning and work my way back to where I needed to be. That's funny because I had just been praying and asking the Lord, "what's next" and I continued to get no answer. Well if we are being honest, I got the answer, awhile ago, and felt like it was time for something new.... lets keep doing more and more. Not only do I need to start building a solid foundation for my body but also in my faith. I was reminded of that just days after I spoke with the doctor. This time in came in the form I was not ready for. 
I started my Sunday like any other....
Got up early, made my coffee (thanked the Lord for this wonderful bean juice as I do most mornings as I wait for it to brew), enjoyed the sunrise and headed to start a load of laundry before I headed out to feed the animals. 
The boys were with their dad so it was just me to get ready for church. 
I walked to the bedroom, grabbed the laundry basket and headed to the laundry room. I sorted and loaded the first load. Bent over to pick up the laundry basket and hit the floor.
My back gave smooth out. 
I was done
I couldn't stand up, shooting pain caused me to stay as still as I could for awhile. After a little while I knew I had to have help because no one would be to the house till 5 pm that day when the boys would be dropped back off at home. I decided I had to do something, so I crawled to my bedroom where my phone was resting on the night stand. Tears rolling down my face, I paused as I crawled past my closet, my war room. A room that once held great pain from childhood now was the place I poured my heart out to my Father. (that's an entirely different story that one day I hope to share, but for now we will leave it at this, the closet held me in a state of great fear, and a reminder of pain I never wanted to deal with again, for decades.) My God took a place of great pain and turned it into a place of great comfort. I find many times when I have been in pain I hurried to my closet, I craved for time in there where I could fall on my knees and pour my heart out. It was now a safe place for me. (Yes it seems crazy but it is the truth) Instead of crawling to my phone to call someone to come help me up, I crawled to my closet and laid down face first sobbing. Praying for help, for healing. He took me to the ground. Needless to say I didn't make it to church that morning, but oh was there some healing going on. I also had my answer, I have to build a solid foundation before I can move on to the next place He wants me. I have to make the foundation of my faith so saturated in the word that the enemy wont stand a chance when he comes for me, and he will come.... he always comes, for me, for my family, for my friends, for my family's business, he has tried to attack with lies and hatefulness, but that's ok let him come because he wont be fighting me, he will get to come toe to toe with my King. I find great comfort knowing the verse in Zachariah 2:5 "For I, says the Lord, will be a wall of fire around her and I will be the Glory in her midst". So let him come. 
The Lord had some things to say that day and I had no where else to be but on my face praying for help, crying out again for His help. My stubborn ways had gotten in the way again.... can you say stronghold. Oh how it came crumbling down. I will obey and do what is asked of me, and while I wait I will praise him in the hallway before the next door is opened. I will build my foundation on the solid rock of my King. 

You see many times in the worst of my days, through the pain, through the depression, the self loathing, through all of it he has come to rescue me. He will be the wall of fire around me, He will send out an army to find me and rescue me. Not because I am a somebody, but simply because I am His and He loves me, and He has a plan for my life, just as He has a plan for yours. 

You are not alone.