2018 Symposium in D.C.

So for those of you who know me, and have known me for a long time know that I have never had any desire to be a florist. To much stress, to much worry, crazy hours, people are hard to please.... and so much more! 

Wow how things have changed. 

So after my mom worked in the industry for about 15 years she decided to up and buy a flower shop. Awesome for her, right! It was her dream and she did it. I however never seen myself doing all that flower nonsense, it just wasn't for me. I did however do numbers, soooooo.... I agreed to work in the office for her. Still yet I was not going to touch the flower part. That was her. All her. 
As time progressed I was slowly talked into just doing a bud vase and see what I thought. I agreed, and here I am 15 years later, heading off to take the PFDE test at the AIFD 2018 Symposium. 
What the hell happened? 
I did get to spend some time at home raising my boys, working the farm, riding my horses, but when life decided to flip on it end and I became a single mom I needed a full time job again. 
Fun stuff right there. 
So upon taking on a full time position, I agreed to design more. And guess what, I kinda liked it! So when it came up a little over a year ago about heading off to AMF classes I jumped at the opportunity.  Never really knowing what, or where it would lead. 
Now just over a year later I found myself in DC testing for AIFD. 

I just can't begin to tell you how crazy this seems to me.

When I headed off to Little Rock for my first class I was excited about the opportunity that this would be. Little did I know that it would open a entire new world for me.
When I started, I thought, this is going to be a breeze, I know how to design and I have been designing and I was doing good....so I am sure I will learn a few new tricks. Ha, how cocky was I. But when we started our first class, y'all I was like, what in the name of all that is good and holy is this?
My head was all kinds of mixed up.
Luckily we had some amazing teachers and mentors there to help pick me up and set me on the right course. Each class I learned more and more and I felt like a sponge. I just wanted to soak it all in. 
Y'all I found my passion. 
In my world were there had been no passion for a career or anything I found what touched me, it woke me up. Now I had always had passion when it came to my kids, they were and are my life, but this.... this was for me. 

It wasn't easy most times, it challenged me to step outside my comfort zone and really tested me. But most importantly it taught me something and man I was hooked. 
Then testing came and honest to goodness I was freaked out. What if I didn't pass, what if I sucked and just had been lucky the past few weeks..... the list goes on.... clearly I am not to nice with myself. 
But I passed, and I became AMF, Arkansas Master Florist!
I wanted more, so I took another test and became CFD, Certified Floral Designer. I still wanted more.... I wanted to learn everything I could and do everything I could. So here I am.
Fast forward 1 year and I am standing in the TSA line at the airport, having checked one of my bags, there are tons of people everywhere and all I can think is what in the holy shit am I doing. I am about to get on a plane and fly to Washington DC and take a test I don't know if I am ready for. How did I get here? I had the biggest holy shit moment I have had in awhile. 
When my plane landed in DC and after I ubered it to the hotel, got settled and headed out to find something to eat, I found myself sitting there and all I could think was, holy shit this is happening, I am really doing this. I don't know if I had this crazy look on my face that said, "girl you need a drink" or what but the waiter came by and stopped, tilted his head, smiled and said,' honey, you ok.... would you like a drink, something a little stronger maybe,?'.... bless him but no, wait yes.... lets!!!! 
After a glass of wine, and one of the best burgers I have ever had I walked back to the hotel to try to get some rest. 
The next morning, the morning of the testing, I woke up ready to do this. As I stood in the line to get my packet and registration paper work, I felt a kind of calm but still had some nervousness. Seeing all the people from all over the world who had the same look on their face as I did, I didn't feel so alone, so freaked out. I started a conversation with the lady standing behind me and the wait in the line seemed to fly by, and the nervousness that was left was now gone. I had worked and stressed and there really was nothing left to stress about. 
We were instructed to be back at a specific time to go through orientation, we were told what we could and could not bring with us, and off we went to wait. 

Sitting through orientation was fine, we got our list, listened to the rules once again and we headed off to the room where we would test. We had our # for our table and you basically find your table marked with your #. We had some time to get our flowers ready, get our table ready and then begin with time started. 
As I stood at my table I started thinking about the reason I was doing this, My kids, I set out to be a better designer and here I was. So much had happened before I left that I almost just didn't go. Chalked it up as a loss and stayed home. The storm had hit the shop and messed a bunch of stuff up, I was house hunting and had 6 weeks to find a house and close and get moved out of my house by the end of July and I was going to be spending all this time in DC. There was so much other stuff going on in my personal life with my mom and my kids, and the past 2 months had put a strain on my stress level that I felt like just falling into a puddle and hoping to God no one stepped on me. But I tell my kids, don't let anything keep you from what you want, your goals or dreams. If you want it you have to go get it. So this was me. Going to get it, come hell or high water I was doing this. To do just what I tell my kids they need to. To work hard and put in the time and make it happen. And if by chance it doesn't work out the first time, try it again. So I couldn't turn back, I had to go. 
After the testing started I just did what I always do, I took the flowers they gave us and filled the orders just like I was back at the shop. 
When it was over and we cleaned up I felt pretty good about it. So I know I gave my best. I have to say I thought how they do this entire process from start to finish was great. I had a chance to talk to some people who had to do it the old way and wow. I'm glad the industry has changed and evolved. That's one thing about this, it's always changing and growing so if you are apart of it and you take advantage of what AIFD has to offer, you are always changing and growing as a designer. So as our industry grows so do you, and your clients will see that as well! I just love it, trust the process and let it change you, make you better! 

I have to say I am so glad that I didn't give up. That I went and tried. 
After the testing was over I got to spend some time working the flower room putting together some corsages and boutonnieres. Here are a few!

I got to work alongside some fantastic designers and learn so much from them. 
The classes were fantastic and I learned so much, and then the main stage programs were outstanding. 

All week long I had the privilege to live and work and learn surrounded by some beautiful art.

I have to tell you all of this was so over whelming, I had to take some time and just go see some sights and walk around and clear my head!. I had to get out and about, find myself wondering around the city just being normal for a little while. 
I did the typical tourist stuff, I totally walked around with my phone up in the air taking picture after picture. And instead of taking the metro back I got the bright idea to walk back 3 miles to the hotel. I walked through the sweetest little residential area, and of course all these house had little gardens and I being the crazy person that I am had to stop and check out the flowers that they had, I really am some kind of strange sometime. It was a much needed walk, to clear my head. I love to hike and get out of town and just see the beauty of nature, this was the closest thing to that I could find in the middle of the city. It's what I do. 

All in all it was an unforgettable trip. It was my first Symposium but it wont be my last. Did I pass my test? I have no clue yet, we will be notified soon I hope but either way, I learned a lot from this trip, and that in my book was a win. 
I met some amazing people from all over the world, seen some of the most amazing designs, ate some fantastic food and celebrated out nation's birthday on the capitol lawn, I really don't know how I could have topped that!

So someone asked me, if you pass then what? Then I set my next goal, and I work my ass off to get there.

I wont stop learning, perfecting my craft, and becoming the best designer I can be. Not just because it help in my shop, but for me. I found what drives me, I know what drives me as a mother, but what drives me for me. And as long as I can I will learn everything there is to learn, so I can teach it to the ones that come next.

The flight coming home was a mess. But look at that view!!!

First the TSA craziness,*side note: don't take a full water bottle through TSA check point and don't and I really can't stress this enough don't look at the TSA dog and make a comment of how sweet and cute they are*, then the flight was delayed for hours. My bags some how made it home hours before I did?! I started out getting to the airport at 11am on Friday and finally made it home to my bed at 4am Saturday morning, only to get up a few hours later and drive an hour to a funeral, and then an hour back after the service to a wedding. I was ready to be home. It was kind of a shitty end to the trip, but I wont let it dampen my high from the Symposium. 

And now I wait for my test results. I think this might actually be worse then the anticipation leading up to the test. 
I would say life is getting back to normal but I'm not really sure what normal would be anymore. If normal is chaos then yes, my life is right back to normal.

Here are a few of the photos I took of the flowers just around and some of the art pieces! 

Strange how things turn out. From not wanting any thing to do with the flower biz to here I am neck deep in it and loving ever second of it. 

It's been a journey full of discovery, and I cant wait to see what's next! 

DC... What....

So I'm just a few short weeks away from DC.... and the mother of all tests for me.... I cant even begin to tell how stressed and freaked I am... oh and super excited!

Just a random thought for today!

Dear Y'all.....

I posted this a year ago and it is still true for life....And I believe with all my heart that the world needs more understanding, more love and whole lot of Jesus.... 
  "Dear Moms
90% of the time my house is a beautiful mess, it's getting better as the years go by because the boys are older but now its all new kind of mess. Despite my best efforts, it is crazy, chaotic and absolutely unorganized. So let me give it to you straight. If I have to clean for three hours before you come over…
We can’t be friends. We just can’t.
It’s just way too stressful, and trying to keep my home perfectly neat in this stage in life is impossible and overwhelming. I used to be more put together, believe it or not, I am naturally organized ( and a little OCD) . But then my kids became mobile, they ganged up on me, and my life and time were no longer my own.
If you do come over, and I really want you to, I won’t pretend that I have it all together. Simply because I don’t. I believe real, authentic relationships are more important than an organized linen closet. One day those closets will be organized again, but today, my eight year old wants to show me his latest paper plane or latest painting and tell me a story, and my nine year old wants to tell me all about I new book and what's going on with his friends.
So, if you can push aside the piles of clothes that need to be folded, sit down with me among my chaos, with a hot cup of coffee. Even better, help me FOLD those clothes as you share your heart with me, I am listening and I truly want to know what's going on in your life. I promise.
On the flip side, if you are cleaning your house like a mad woman before I come over… for the love, stop doing that! Just stop it! You really don’t have too. I love you, just for you. And I want the real you. I know that underneath all those facades us women are SO good at creating- you are such a beautiful person. You don’t have to try to impress me, I know you are a good wife, a great mom, and an amazing housekeeper. Besides those crumbs on your counter make me feel at home. So please stop worrying about all that, I get it and I see you, the real you! We moms need to stop stressing over the little things because we all know what it's like, we may not share all the same trials through life, but I promise we all have them, but it's time for us to stop putting so much pressure on ourselves every day! The world seems bent on doing that for us. Love and accept each other and our messes. ❤ I know for me y'all are all amazing!"

Its true... We do put so much pressure on ourselves and other moms and we need to stop...
Love each other y'all... lots of love and understanding and empathy...
I have been a happy stay at home full time mom and working around the house and the farm to being a single working mother and I can tell you this.... both have their pros and cons, both are hard, both take a lot out of you, its all on how you see the pro's and con's. It's our mind set. If we keep looking down at people because they make different choices then us we are just adding to the hate and ugliness of this world. Trust me when I say there is far to much of that already. I don't care if your a stay at home mom, OCD clean your house perfect mom, or a crazy busy working mom, you're doing the best you can and so am I so lets just not look down on each other... 

I think men need to understand this too. Mom's are not the only ones working like dogs to not raise little butts of the future... There are Daddies out there need to understand too that we see you too.... most of the time we don't like you and that's our right if we don't want to like you all the time, we are the ones who grew a tiny human inside us and we popped out a person from our personal space... sure you had to live with us but we did that, so I feel, and this is strictly my opinion, that having a tiny human emerge from our body we get to not like you sometimes and you have to roll with it, because I said so. But we do see you, we see the long hours you put in too, we see the tired in your eyes, we know it's hard sometimes for you too and we see you.... we understand.... 

So I guess what I am saying is this.... Dude.... this adulting stuff is hard... kids to raise, bills to pay, relationships, with a partner or spouse, or ex-spouse trying to co-parent or even relationships with friends and family... it's all hard.... the small stuff like..... the house being perfect, looking like you have all your crap together.... it's all small stuff... what's important to me .... is that when someone says hey I want to stop by or they just stop by.... they have something to say or they miss you and want to see you or see how your day has been.... they want you and your time... so what you just came from the gym and you are all smelly from the gym.... your hair is all over and mostly you feel like you could die.... you sit and you talk and you take 30 min's out of your day and say I love you, I stink and look like I have been hit by a train but I love you and I know you love me and what ever you need to talk about and get off your chest.... I am totally here. 

So get out there and love each other and stop stressing.... it's going to be okay.... maybe sometimes it feels like it wont but I know it will.... and We got your back.... so find your person or your people and lean on them when time gets hard and you feel like the world crashing in .... lean on your person.... and don't worry if you feel like you seem like a wreck .... you probably are... and that's okay... be a wreck.... own it, pick yourself up and move on where you are ready. If you don't have a person I will be your person.... I will listen, I will drink coffee with you or tea...if you need help folding clothes, I will help (except socks, I don't do socks)... if none of that works.... we will turn the music up and dance till we laugh so hard that our stomach hurts and we can't breath till you feel better.... or go for a run and I will run till I can't run anymore.... what ever it takes... because I know if it were me, my people would do it for me.... and this world needs more of that. The world needs more love.

Time

I posted this awhile ago and I just re-read this and wanted to share again....

Time....
Its a funny thing, it's the one thing you desperately want more of but have so very little of. 

You want more...
Time to say the things you wanted to say but didn't.....
Time to do the things that you left undone....
Time to become the person you wish you could....
Time to love more and hurt less....

But Time, it just keeps on passing with out regard to what you want.

It's the one thing that remains constant in everything.

There have been points in my life where I wish just for one moment that I could take the hands of time and just stop them or send them flying back, but I soon realize that if I did and I changed that one single choice or event that I wouldn't be the person I am today. 

Time is our enemy, and our friend. 

I hear people say......'in time you will understand'..... yet I feel there are just some things that time will never help me understand. 

We long for more time with loved ones who we no longer get to see, more time to just hold them, hug them, love them. But what if we had time to do all these things? What if our time was infinite.

Would we love as passionately and as deeply?
Would we live life to it's fullest, giving each day all we can give?
Would we cherish our time?

Time is our enemy, and our friend. 

It gives and takes. It gives you a new start everyday, and it takes moments away you can never get back. 

I think time is the one thing that I can count on that is never going to change  even if it is the one thing in life that will forever be changing.

It is constant change. 

I hear people say......."if I could just go back in time and tell my younger self"......

Why? Then you would have never had the experiences you did, and you would not be the you that you are today. 

But today I hate time........

I hate that it is ever changing. I hate that I can't just pause just for a moment to enjoy the smiles on my kids faces for longer.
I hate that I can't stop time so I can watch the most beautiful sunset with the man I love just a little longer. 

And .....

I hate time because it wont move fast enough to get through this pain.
Move faster so that the days don't have to be so hard, the nights so lonely, the weeks don't have to drag on and on.

I hate time because I can't stop it and because I can't move it any faster.

The crazy thing is...

I love time because I can't stop it and because I can't move it any faster.

I don't really think time cares how I feel about it. For that I am glad.
I fear that if it did it would be so confused that it wouldn't know what to do.
So instead it just keeps ticking by, constant, uncaring, ever changing and unknowing of my feelings. 

Time it's a funny thing, it's something we disparately want more of, and the one thing that we will never have but a small finite amount of. 

Ordinary Life

This past week has been fairly uneventful and very ordinary, and for that I am glad. I had most of the nights with my babies except for one where I went to the local Chamber of Commerce Banquet. It was nice and it's always great to get out and about to see all the other members of the chamber and hear how things in our community are going. Oh and there was chocolate and wine so.... I'm down.
We also did all the center pieces for the tables so that was fun too. They basically gave us their budget and we had the chance to do what ever we wanted. Here are a few of the pieces we did for that.....

I love doing event work but I always find I am so nervous about it. I probably shouldn't be but I am.... Someone told me once when I stop getting nervous I should stop because that means I worry that my client wont be happy and that will keep me giving my 100.... so I guess its okay I am a bit nervous. None the less the night was good. The steak was good, the company was wonderful and did I mention Chocolate brownie dessert with wine.... that was fantastic.... As I posted on Insta... I had a lovely time but I did look forward to getting home out of my boots and into my jammies curled up with my boys ..... 

Most of the week was spent laughing at how hard my boys were laughing at the dog and his antic's .... L. will get so tickled at Goose that I laugh so hard my belly hurts and that kind of night is the best kind of night. 

He really is crazy silly.... 
So this last week has been wonderful... very ordinary but wonderful. I didn't lose my shit this week, so that's a bonus, and I just enjoyed life, and I think that's what life is about just enjoying it as it comes. These two make, ordinary life, so much fun.

I struggle so often about not being able to be more for them, I should do more and be more but I soon realize I am not wonder woman and I am doing the best I can for them, and that means something. When I went from being a stay at home mom before their father left, to being a working mom now I found I struggled with this a lot more. However now, a few years down the road we have settled into a way of life that fits, and that life is pretty darn good. The one thing I think that hit me the most is now that we share in raising them is that I do miss them very much when they go to their dads and that makes me focus more on them when they are home. So maybe it all worked out for the best because they get all of me when they are home and I appreciate our time more. 

We did this piece.....

 this week for the memorial of a young man, 19 years old, and all I could selfishly think was man I need to be with my boys, and realized I don't want to waste the precious time I do have with them. Sometimes in our line of work we see families during their worst times, and I would say it's hard to watch what these families are going through and not take some of it home. Like that day, I found myself rushing to pick up the boys, I couldn't wait to wrap my arms around them and be glad that I get one more day with them. My oldest is about to turn 11 and I just can't think of how fast 11 years has gone and how fast the next 11 will be. Time needs to stop....or at least slow down. 

Maybe those days are why I crave to do something on the opposite side of the spectrum like weddings..... 

Weddings are crazy sometimes and time consuming and can be stressful, but they are also the beginning of a whole new life together... and I get to be apart of that. That my friends makes everything okay. 
So while I normally say .... 

Sometimes Ordinary life can be wonderful and beautiful. For the most part my life is anything but ordinary but I have come to learn that ordinary every now and again can be amazing.... and this week ordinary was just fine and dandy with me. 

Back to the start

Once up on a time I was a pretty regular Blogger.... then life happened and in a huge way.... and I stopped.... Didn't have time. I still don't have time but I remember how it felt to get my thoughts out there and  out of my head and it seemed to help. Not just me but others to know that they aren't the only one out there.

So in an attempt to do this again here I am....

For those who don't know me let me give you a small profile...

First I am a single mom to two beautiful, handsome, redheaded boys who try me on a regular basis.
I have a good relationship with the father of my children and their soon to be step mom. It's not the best but it's okay. Its a work in progress but we are doing the best we can for the kids and that's really all I can ask. We do Co-Parent and we share responsibility and that makes me happy. My boys get two homes and one big crazy oversized family that loves them. No I'm not just saying that I mean it. So be prepared I will talk a lot about this part of my life.... these two small humans play the biggest roll in my life.

I am also a mom to one crazy pit-bull..... don't even say they are mean and bad dogs and how can I let them around my kids.... he loves his tiny humans and would die fiercely protecting them and so would I so guess what his is totally cool with me.... and he is kind of Derpy as my sweet Sam would say so that' that...... oh and his name is Goose. He is just about a year old and crazy is putting it mildly. He loves us and is always going so yes you will read about some of his antics here too....

My occupation is Florist. My family owns and operates a local flower shop and I gush about it as well. I have a degree in accounting and I am a flower poker.... I also have state and national accreditation in the floral industry. I will also ramble on about life in the floral industry a lot. It is a huge part of my life as well... it puts food on the table and takes care of my family and I.

I am also single which means I will randomly talk about my love life or the lack there of .... so just prepare yourself for bitching about men. It's going to happen because that's my life.

This is my life and I for what ever crazy reason feel like sharing it with the world.... what the hell am I thinking you might ask....

I'm thinking there are a lot of single parents out there doing the same thing I am and wondering if they are the only ones who feel the way they do .... the answer my friends... is no. You are not alone we are out here and we love you and all your crazy.