There was this mom really dealing with some heavy stuff with her kids, and someones advice for her was... "Just enjoy all the little stuff like this, you're going to miss these days....". Basically it seemed like she was telling this poor woman who seemed to be at her wits end... 'suck it up and enjoy it, you should love this'. I feel fairly confident that in the middle of this break down that wasn't what she wanted to hear, nor would any of us.
And at first typically, we think yes... that's good advice...
Then later, I was thinking and was like....
nope.... don't enjoy this... look forward to the day when they don't do this anymore and you don't have to deal with it.
Sure there will be new challenges but, DUDE... this will be a time that you look back on and are like...."We lived to see another day!"
We all have those moments that we look back and think...."I have no clue how I lived through all that mess..." when it comes to parenting.
So, I really think there are going to be days in my life as a mom, I wont miss.
Like.... I can say with complete certainty...
I don't miss my kids acting like some type of alien has come over them in Wal-Mart and they are on the floor, screaming and acting a fool over a hot wheels car.
I don't miss the up for days because they are teething and covered in drool and sleep deprived, and cranky and heaven knows after a couple days I need a shower and a long nap.
Nope don't miss those days at all....
I don't miss the projectile vomiting and diapers that didn't hold up so well in the middle of Harps. Nope don't miss that at all...
Pretty sure I will never say I miss that ....
As I get older and my boys get older I find it strange that people say to other moms with babies.... "oh one of these days you will miss this, so enjoy these days!"
And, I don't know, I just think there are a lot of things I wont miss about back in those days. Think ill of me all you want, but....
I am looking forward to them growing up and moving out and getting jobs, getting married, having babies...
I look forward to the day they don't need me anymore. Because that means that by the grace of God, their dad and I managed to raise two boys who can stand firm on their own two feet. Who act like men. Who treat women with love and respect and honor them. Who walk out what it means to be men of God. They can go and change the world! And I, well I get to sit back and enjoy the ride.
Do I miss the sweet baby snuggles, yes some days I do. Do I miss the "mommy I lubs you"... yes.. I do.
I so enjoyed that, but with it came the nasty diapers, the sleepless nights that turned into days, the nights I just sat in the floor and cried alone because I had no clue what was wrong or how to fix it and no one to ask, feeling helpless, lonely days when I craved an adult to talk to but having only a baby and a toddler to talk to, tired all the time, sick of paw patrol, having more peanut butter in my hair than on the sandwich they were eating.
I can say I don't miss those days.
Please don't hear what I am not saying, I was blessed to be there every day with the boys as they grew. I didn't miss a single thing they did,
But....
I missed me. I missed long hot baths, good HOT food, I missed conversations that I didn't have to blurt out, "don't pick your nose", "Get down so you don't die" "stop dumping your juice all over your brother", in the middle of your conversations with someone. It's like I had turrets, no one knew what would come out of my mouth, some of the bests are... "leave your pants on in the store", "get the green bean out of your ear" or one of my favorites "No we don't pee in the parking lot". I can't tell you how much I don't miss saying these things to my kids. I missed reading a book that didn't talk about red fish or blue fish. I missed watching a movie that had real people in them. I missed my sanity at times.
Slowly over the year as the boys have grown and don't need me to be "mom" all the time I get to rediscover who I am. And the really cool part is, I get to rediscover who I am as the mom they don't need all the time, as they discover who they are with out mom all the time. I loved hearing "no mom you don't have to come with me, I got this,". I was like ....YES!!!!! WINNING!!!!
I think maybe I like it the most that, they don't need me as much, but they still hang around because they want to. They like hanging out with mom, for now.
I will always be their mom, they are kind of stuck with me, and I love them more then they will ever know.
But I truly enjoy these days more then when they where a baby.
I adore the witty jokes, the movies are way better, the TV shows have gone from paw patrol to NCIS and CSI, stuff like that. They are growing into men who are learning what it means to be a guy in this crazy world. They are finding out what they really want in life. Who they want to be, and they are looking forward to getting there. They are making plans for the future, a future that has nothing to do with me in their every day life.
And friends, it's beautiful. I love that they want my help sometimes and they still need it, like when they can't find a shoe or they mayo is hiding behind the mustard and its just lost forever...or something, but I love that there are things they just don't need me for anymore.
I to am looking forward to what life will look like after they leave the house. I love them so much, but I am going to be ok when they move out.
I think all to often we forget we can be parents and not be 24/7 in our kids lives, in fact I am pretty sure they don't need or want us to be there like that.
I do miss the baby snuggles, but I love being apart of their growing up. I simply can not wait to see who they grow into. There are days that I wish life would just slow down just a little just so I can enjoy it a little longer.
I have learned to not tell people, "you will miss these days", I try to tell them.... "Hang in there it wont always be this way, you wont always have cheerios in your hair that hasn't been washed in a couple day, you wont always have spit-up on your shirt, or a random juice cup that gets lost and found weeks later. You won't always have days that run together because you just don't sleep. It gets better. One day you will miss the fresh out of the bath baby smells and snuggles, and you will miss the "I lubs you mommy", and that will be ok because what is coming is so much fun. It's going to be crazy for a little while and you may not know what day of the week it is because you don't remember when the last time you showered or slept, but it wont always be this way."
So yes enjoy the snuggles, enjoy the little moments that warm your heart, but when you are in the middle of the melt downs and it seems like weeks have gone by and still no normal life, and you don't really remember the last time you had a hot meal or went pee by yourself, it gets better and you wont miss a lot of the days and that will be ok too!
Take lots of photos, sound like a crazy person who yells random things at their kids, dry shampoo is perfectly fine, celebrate the days you win, drop kick the days you don't and walk away from them and start a new day. Parenting is hard. I don't care what anyone says, some days it just sucks, but those days don't last forever.
So don't feel bad when someone says "you will miss these days" and all you can think is, Are you crazy! I believe that's a perfectly normal response.
For those of you who say this, might I remind you of the days when the diapers didn't hold up and you are half way through your shopping and now you and your baby are covered in the nasty #2 from head to toe and it's all over you too. All you want to do is finish your shopping but you now are covered in poop. You walk away from a cart half full, so you can drive 30 min's home to take a shower only to realize that the body wash is gone, it's in the cart you had to leave mid way through the store. You have no food in the house and you really want some chocolate, and you got no clean clothes because the laundry detergent is in the same cart and you have been up for days with a baby that was sick and this was the first day in a week that everyone felt good so you wanted to make a quick trip to the store to finally get all the things you have been needing. Only to leave half way through because the pooapocalypse hit. Now you sit in the hall and cry in your jammies feeling like you have failed at parenting and just life in general but your sweet baby is back to sleep again and smells good.
Those days suck and I don't want to enjoy them nor do I wish for those days back again. I am pretty sure if someone would have told me at that time that I needed to cherish these days because they grow up too fast, I probable would have punched them in the face. At least now that they are older pooapocalypse is a thing of the past.
Maybe what we should say is ... I see you, I have walked through this and I got you. If you need to fall apart, do it. I will be there to help you clean up.
From one mom, who will not miss all the days people say you will, it will be ok I promise. Hang tough, cry your eyes out girl, it's cool there is no judgement, you want to go outside and scream, do it, don't eat the cheerio out of your hair though, girl it ain't that bad yet, you got this call me I'll make you lunch.
~JH
