Time

I posted this awhile ago and I just re-read this and wanted to share again....

Time....
Its a funny thing, it's the one thing you desperately want more of but have so very little of. 

You want more...
Time to say the things you wanted to say but didn't.....
Time to do the things that you left undone....
Time to become the person you wish you could....
Time to love more and hurt less....

But Time, it just keeps on passing with out regard to what you want.

It's the one thing that remains constant in everything.

There have been points in my life where I wish just for one moment that I could take the hands of time and just stop them or send them flying back, but I soon realize that if I did and I changed that one single choice or event that I wouldn't be the person I am today. 

Time is our enemy, and our friend. 

I hear people say......'in time you will understand'..... yet I feel there are just some things that time will never help me understand. 

We long for more time with loved ones who we no longer get to see, more time to just hold them, hug them, love them. But what if we had time to do all these things? What if our time was infinite.

Would we love as passionately and as deeply?
Would we live life to it's fullest, giving each day all we can give?
Would we cherish our time?

Time is our enemy, and our friend. 

It gives and takes. It gives you a new start everyday, and it takes moments away you can never get back. 

I think time is the one thing that I can count on that is never going to change  even if it is the one thing in life that will forever be changing.

It is constant change. 

I hear people say......."if I could just go back in time and tell my younger self"......

Why? Then you would have never had the experiences you did, and you would not be the you that you are today. 

But today I hate time........

I hate that it is ever changing. I hate that I can't just pause just for a moment to enjoy the smiles on my kids faces for longer.
I hate that I can't stop time so I can watch the most beautiful sunset with the man I love just a little longer. 

And .....

I hate time because it wont move fast enough to get through this pain.
Move faster so that the days don't have to be so hard, the nights so lonely, the weeks don't have to drag on and on.

I hate time because I can't stop it and because I can't move it any faster.

The crazy thing is...

I love time because I can't stop it and because I can't move it any faster.

I don't really think time cares how I feel about it. For that I am glad.
I fear that if it did it would be so confused that it wouldn't know what to do.
So instead it just keeps ticking by, constant, uncaring, ever changing and unknowing of my feelings. 

Time it's a funny thing, it's something we disparately want more of, and the one thing that we will never have but a small finite amount of. 

Ordinary Life

This past week has been fairly uneventful and very ordinary, and for that I am glad. I had most of the nights with my babies except for one where I went to the local Chamber of Commerce Banquet. It was nice and it's always great to get out and about to see all the other members of the chamber and hear how things in our community are going. Oh and there was chocolate and wine so.... I'm down.
We also did all the center pieces for the tables so that was fun too. They basically gave us their budget and we had the chance to do what ever we wanted. Here are a few of the pieces we did for that.....

I love doing event work but I always find I am so nervous about it. I probably shouldn't be but I am.... Someone told me once when I stop getting nervous I should stop because that means I worry that my client wont be happy and that will keep me giving my 100.... so I guess its okay I am a bit nervous. None the less the night was good. The steak was good, the company was wonderful and did I mention Chocolate brownie dessert with wine.... that was fantastic.... As I posted on Insta... I had a lovely time but I did look forward to getting home out of my boots and into my jammies curled up with my boys ..... 

Most of the week was spent laughing at how hard my boys were laughing at the dog and his antic's .... L. will get so tickled at Goose that I laugh so hard my belly hurts and that kind of night is the best kind of night. 

He really is crazy silly.... 
So this last week has been wonderful... very ordinary but wonderful. I didn't lose my shit this week, so that's a bonus, and I just enjoyed life, and I think that's what life is about just enjoying it as it comes. These two make, ordinary life, so much fun.

I struggle so often about not being able to be more for them, I should do more and be more but I soon realize I am not wonder woman and I am doing the best I can for them, and that means something. When I went from being a stay at home mom before their father left, to being a working mom now I found I struggled with this a lot more. However now, a few years down the road we have settled into a way of life that fits, and that life is pretty darn good. The one thing I think that hit me the most is now that we share in raising them is that I do miss them very much when they go to their dads and that makes me focus more on them when they are home. So maybe it all worked out for the best because they get all of me when they are home and I appreciate our time more. 

We did this piece.....

 this week for the memorial of a young man, 19 years old, and all I could selfishly think was man I need to be with my boys, and realized I don't want to waste the precious time I do have with them. Sometimes in our line of work we see families during their worst times, and I would say it's hard to watch what these families are going through and not take some of it home. Like that day, I found myself rushing to pick up the boys, I couldn't wait to wrap my arms around them and be glad that I get one more day with them. My oldest is about to turn 11 and I just can't think of how fast 11 years has gone and how fast the next 11 will be. Time needs to stop....or at least slow down. 

Maybe those days are why I crave to do something on the opposite side of the spectrum like weddings..... 

Weddings are crazy sometimes and time consuming and can be stressful, but they are also the beginning of a whole new life together... and I get to be apart of that. That my friends makes everything okay. 
So while I normally say .... 

Sometimes Ordinary life can be wonderful and beautiful. For the most part my life is anything but ordinary but I have come to learn that ordinary every now and again can be amazing.... and this week ordinary was just fine and dandy with me. 

Back to the start

Once up on a time I was a pretty regular Blogger.... then life happened and in a huge way.... and I stopped.... Didn't have time. I still don't have time but I remember how it felt to get my thoughts out there and  out of my head and it seemed to help. Not just me but others to know that they aren't the only one out there.

So in an attempt to do this again here I am....

For those who don't know me let me give you a small profile...

First I am a single mom to two beautiful, handsome, redheaded boys who try me on a regular basis.
I have a good relationship with the father of my children and their soon to be step mom. It's not the best but it's okay. Its a work in progress but we are doing the best we can for the kids and that's really all I can ask. We do Co-Parent and we share responsibility and that makes me happy. My boys get two homes and one big crazy oversized family that loves them. No I'm not just saying that I mean it. So be prepared I will talk a lot about this part of my life.... these two small humans play the biggest roll in my life.

I am also a mom to one crazy pit-bull..... don't even say they are mean and bad dogs and how can I let them around my kids.... he loves his tiny humans and would die fiercely protecting them and so would I so guess what his is totally cool with me.... and he is kind of Derpy as my sweet Sam would say so that' that...... oh and his name is Goose. He is just about a year old and crazy is putting it mildly. He loves us and is always going so yes you will read about some of his antics here too....

My occupation is Florist. My family owns and operates a local flower shop and I gush about it as well. I have a degree in accounting and I am a flower poker.... I also have state and national accreditation in the floral industry. I will also ramble on about life in the floral industry a lot. It is a huge part of my life as well... it puts food on the table and takes care of my family and I.

I am also single which means I will randomly talk about my love life or the lack there of .... so just prepare yourself for bitching about men. It's going to happen because that's my life.

This is my life and I for what ever crazy reason feel like sharing it with the world.... what the hell am I thinking you might ask....

I'm thinking there are a lot of single parents out there doing the same thing I am and wondering if they are the only ones who feel the way they do .... the answer my friends... is no. You are not alone we are out here and we love you and all your crazy.