Women doing Kingdom work

Since I began the journey of Kingdom work I have tried to inhale as much information about women in leadership and those doing Kingdom work as I could. I read about men in leadership as well but I am a women and thus... would like to know how women have tackled the big issues that come up in the ministry work. 

This last book that I was reading had a beautiful, in my opinion, description of a Kingdom women.

 I would like to share it with you.... So many times I hear people talk about what women should do and not do in the work of the Kingdom. 

That's a post for another day.... but for today I want to share this....

It goes a little like this....

     We are kingdom women, and we are diverse. We have short hair and we have long hair;  dirt is under our fingernails from toiling under the sun and our fingernails are nicely manicured with pink nail polish; we stay at home with the children, care for our husbands, and support their careers, but we also choose to wear blue pantsuits and pastor churches. We wear yoga pants, leggings, mom jeans, cargo shorts, long skirts, and daisy dukes. You see, our femininity is not rooted in ideology or cultural norms but in our humanity, which is firmly rooted in the humanity of Christ. The life, death, resurrection and ascension of King Jesus informs our identities. We sometimes bear children and sometimes don't, but childbearing isn't our identity; instead, our identities are ordered in the saving and transforming activity of the triune GOD.  

     Our lives are firmly rooted in Jesus Christ, and we are emboldened by the empowering presence of the Spirit. The Spirit informs our decisions in the office, at home, behind a cashier's counter and in our relationships; by the Spirit we are shaped into the women we were created to be - biblical women, holy women and daughters of the resurrection. We are beautiful, strong, courageous, quiet, submissive, outspoken, tender, fierce, and emboldened.

.....

     Kingdom women are diverse, you see. We have gifts to teach, preach, prophesy, serve, lead, and build. We are church planters, we are kitchen ladies, we are numbers cruncher, we are directors, and we worship leaders. We are nurturing, we are assertive, we are maternal, and we are fierce. We are full of wisdom and we are also new Christians. Many have tried to box us in or tell us who we should be, but when we look to Christ we see cruciformity, love, grace, courage, and presence. Sure, try to box us in, but we are kingdom women and we are diverse. * Tara Beth Leach : Emboldened

I love this image of a woman bathed in the love and grace of God and the blood of Christ. We are His. Our identity is not in what the world tells us we are or should be, but in who's we are. All through the Bible we see women who God brings up and molds and empowers and embolden's to do Kingdom work. 

We see the Woman at the well change the course of the town, Dorcas who was love by widows who she took care of, Phoebe, Lydia who was a business owner and mom, Anna, Ruth, Debora who was the Judge over Israel that was married and went to battle for God and country(home girl had a career and a husband what????), Priscilla who educated men on Gods word and a tent maker like her husband (she was bringing home the bacon too), and many more. Kingdom women who God called to do great things. 

What about Timothy's Grandmother and mother, or the Elect Lady in 2 John. I love how much we see women doing big things for the Kingdom. God himself told Abraham to listen to Sarah.... What? *Genesis 21:12

I love that this book speaks life into women, not bad mouth men but shows women that we have a voice, a God given voice. I believe true feminism is not about putting man in his place so to speak, or saying we can do anything a man can do(I hate to break it to you ladies we can't, we aren't made that way and that's ok), but about just realizing our worth as women, as Kingdom women doing Kingdom work. We are made in His own image, just like man, and He alone defines who we are to Him. 

God made Eve, Adam did not so Adam can't define who we are. God alone gives us our value. 

I love one of the very first images, in Genesis 2:21-24 of a woman that God made himself. 

"21.And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. 22.Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman and brought her to the man. 23.Adam said: this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman because she was taken out of man. 24. Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and they shall become on flesh." 

I honestly love verse 22 when it says "he made into a woman and BROUGHT her to man. 

What a beautiful representation of a woman. He didn't just throw some dirt together then roll Adam over and be like... Dude wake up, this chick is ready. 

You notice God had to bring a SINGLE woman to where Adam was. It's as if God took the rib and went off somewhere away from Adam and took His time to create her. 
 Then when He gets back, immediately Adam starts to speak. He didn't have to wake up and recover from a sleep, it would seem he is already awake and waiting. God took great care to form her and make her in His own image. Before she was married to Adam she was God's work. 

We are made by God, for God. What a powerful message for all the Single ladies out there wondering why relationship after relationship fail.... Be God's 1st then when God is ready for you be with a man He will bring the right one to your life, but first.... Be God's! 

Women are not less than, or a second thought or just meh whatever, God was intentional with the creation of us. 

We may have different rolls to play, but that is the beauty of it, all of us, man and woman each have different rolls to play, made for us individually by God. What a beautiful scene that must have been when God strolls up with Eve. I wonder what was going through Adams mind. 

I pray that Kingdom women realize their worth. Our worth is defined by the one who made us, and the One who saves us, not by this world. King Jesus give us our value. I pray that we as Kingdom women rise up to be the Proverbs 31 women that God calls us to be. We are His! We are called to do great things for the Kingdom! 

Sitting here tonight on Christmas eve, the story of Jonah comes to mind. 

Not really the story I would pick to think of at Christmas. However, I find myself wondering if we as Christians truly grasp the heart of God. 
Jonah didn't. 
In the 1st 3 verses of the book of Jonah we see that Jonah straight up didn't get it or just didn't want to. 

Nineveh was lost. 

God wanted Jonah to go to them, but Jonah looked at Nineveh through his heart, not God's. 

God doesn't want anyone to be lost, no one. His heart is for all men not just the "good ones" but all. 

This time of year when we reflect on why Jesus came to earth I feel like we sometimes forget the lost and broken. We are just so glad to worship and celebrate the birth of Christ and we forget that He came for everyone. 

The forgotten people. The ones we look over because they messed up real bad and are sitting in jail. The ones who sleep on the street as we walk past with arms full of gifts. The people who are to drunk to talk to. Or maybe the family member that hurt us to much to forgive. 
Yet we make our way to church to worship the one who came to save them too. And we walked right past them. 

Jesus came for them too. 

Just like God sent Jonah to Nineveh and he tried to run from the presence of God, every time we as Christians are disobedient to God we try to flee from His presence as well. 

Our action to Gods call for us, either moving towards His will or away from His will like Jonah tried, exposes our heart towards God's word, toward His mission of reaching the lost and broken, and it exposes our heart toward how we truly worship the King. 

The reason Jesus came, was for the broken and the lost of this world. We could never be good enough left to our own doing. So the only, ONLY way we can be enough is because Jesus covers us with His blood. He gave everything for the lost, for the broken of this world. 

So when I reflect on why we have this season, I think of the story of Jonah and ask myself.... 

..... Do I try to flee from God? 
..... Do I look at the lost and broken like Jonah did? Or do I see them through the eyes of Christ? 
..... Do I look at them the way Christ looked upon His people, with compassion and love for the lost? Do I hurt for them? Is my heart broken for the broken? 

All of this wouldn't even be happening if it wasn't for the love that God has for the broken and the lost. For people like me. 

I pray that we start seeing the world through God's eye and with the heart of Jesus. We look at the lost and broken and our hearts break for them. For those who don't know love, I pray tears roll down your face for them, and we ache for them to know love like we do. 

We are the salt and the light, and we know love like no other, yet we keep it to ourselves. My prayer is that your heart aches so much that you can't help but move closer to the heart of the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, and your heart opens for those who are lost and broken. 

This Christmas I pray you feel God's love but more then that, I pray your heart begins to love like Jesus. That you have compassion for those who don't know Christ. For those who think they are just to broken to love. I pray you open your heart to the hurting, the broken, the ones who messed up, the addicted, the sick, the orphans, the widows, and you pour Jesus's love all over them, because you have so much in you. I pray your heart even like that of a child's Christmas story say, "his heart grew 3 sizes that day" I pray your heart grows 3 sizes this day, and you can't contain it. 


Why would Jesus step out of heaven for us????
It's very simple..... LOVE! 

I pray you feel it, I pray you know it, and I pray you show it to everyone you meet. 

Wrapping presents and Jesus

As I sit and wrap gifts tonight for the boys I can't help but appreciate the quiet in the house. The boys are at their dads and I am enjoying the quietness of the house. No fart jokes, no odd mine craft YouTube videos shoved in my face because it is the coolest thing ever... nope just me and the dog and the quiet. 

I mean if I am being totally honest the dog is snoring like crazy, so sort of quiet. 

 All this has got me thinking about the first Christmas.... It would have been about 10 days out when they left Nazareth and Headed to Bethlehem, if my math was close.  

I wonder what Mary was thinking about on their 90 or so mile trip to Bethlehem. Can we just take a moment to appreciate the fact that the "Bread of life, ie... Jesus" was born in the city called the "house of Bread... ie.... Bethlehem".

I love those little "ironic" things that happen all through the Bible.  

They would have probably traveled about 10 miles or less a day depending on the weather and her condition. It was probably getting into the rainy season, and pretty chilly. Mary, sweet Mary was so very big and pregnant. She was weeks away. 

I remember what it was like the last couple weeks for me when I was about to have my Luke. I was not a fun person to be around. I had to pee every 10 mins, I was hungry and tired all the time, but I couldn't get comfortable because the tiny life sucking person inside me was moving non stop. On the rare occasion that I did manage to find a way to sit that was sort of comfortable I had like 10 min's before I would have to get up to pee again. 

Here we see Mary sitting on a donkey for 90 miles in very treacherous ground. They would have to tend with, wild animals like Bear, Lion, and Boar or even people who would try and rob them of their food and water. They did have to pack ample food and water so they would be easy targets to go after.  Easy picken's if you think about it. 

We don't actually hear much about the trip but if you look back to see what they might have had to go through, it wasn't all smooth paved roads with an ice-cream stand on the corner. I am sure they both had to work hard on their trip, as they did every day. Mary knew what a hard days work was like so getting dirty and working hard was something she probably knew very well. 

Isn't it beautiful, that even as they traveled God had His hand going before them clearing the way all they kept doing was moving forward toward the destination.

 I would imagine if they had been fiercely attacked by a hungry pack of lions and God saved them it would have made it in the bible. But since we didn't hear much about it, I would say nothing like that did happen. Maybe it did, and either way it didn't make it in the Bible. 

They made it safe and sound to the the place they needed to be. 

I can't help but wonder what was going through their minds. Where did they sleep?  Would they run into trouble? Joseph might be thinking.... "Good night woman we just stopped so you could pee 2 miles back"...

I absolutely love the beauty of it. The simplicity of it. The humble way the creator of everything stepped out of heaven and chose to become dependent on that in which He created. All the while before He arrived, The Father was setting things up for him, He was preparing a way for Jesus, the Bread of Life entering into the world through His creation, in a town called the House of Bread. 

And to know that everything He did was to restore the relationship between God and man. He wanted a relationship with us. Poor sad, selfish, cranky humans. 

On days like today, when I feel like the world is coming at me from all sides, that the enemy keeps telling me I am nothing, I am worthless, I am reminded that He did all of this for me. He came here for me. Because I am valuable to Him. I am important to Him, and He is the only one who can define my worth, my value.  

It was a peaceful night. A night that I needed so very much. A reminder of sorts as I wrapped the gifts for the boys, that the greatest gift that I, and humanity, ever received was the night the King of Kings stepped out of heaven for me. 

I am so thankful for that gift. So amazed at how much love He had for us. I look around at the mess we live in, and He still loves us and wants to be with us. No matter the mess we are in. 

Jesus made it a point through His life to catch people off guard, like I posted in the last post about the woman at the well. They never seen Him coming, He showed up and changed their life. I guess He was acting like his Father. God had a way of just showing up and changing peoples lives, and people never seen Him coming either..... 

" Hey Mary congrats's you're gonna have a baby" (Life officially changed)

"Hey Joseph you're gonna be a step dad" (Life officially changed)

 Weather it was a burning bush, or a host of 😇😇😇 angles to announce to a couple shepherds the arrival of the Savior, His son, God had a way of showing up and changing lives. 

I don't know about you but I sure am glad he did show up. He changed my life, gave me a new heart. Now the enemy can walk about like a Lion roaring and seeking whom he can devour, but ... (oh that but) the King of Kings has already won that battle. He came to earth for me and you. 

What I wouldn't give to have seen that first Christmas. More so, I can not wait to see the eastern sky roll back and the King of Kings step through to come get us. Oh man.... what a day that will be, when my savior I see... 

I hope everyone one has a wonderful Christmas. I hope you enjoy the smiles, the laughs, and the love. Mostly I hope you know personally the one who loves you more then you can ever know. I hope you get a chance to just spend some time getting to know Him, to love Him and just be in His presence. 

He came for you and me. Joy to the world the Lord has Come!

Merry Christmas!  

The well...

     So many times over the past few weeks the idea that I will never be good enough have run through my head. Little things will happen and "see you messed that up, what else will you mess up, it's what you do you just mess up", and "no one will ever trust what you say because of your past". 

I fight this all the time....

      But last night... I love these little nuggets of love from God...
He reminded me of a conversation Jesus had with a woman at a well... A broken woman, not just any woman but one that had a scandalous past. One that came to the well in the middle of the day instead of the cool of the day. It seemed she wanted to get to the well with out it being so ... busy with so many people, maybe. 

     As I was reading along in John 4 it didn't take me long to hit a curious verse... 
John 4:4 "But He NEEDED to go through Samaria" (NKJV)
Four verses in and He lays it out. There was something going to happen there and Jesus didn't just feel like going or, think well it might be fun... He needed to go.... He was seeking someone out! 

     We pick up a few verses later where He is weary from His journey and He sat down by the well...
It just so happened... in verse 5 that a woman came to draw water, and Jesus asks her for some water...

     I love her reply... v9)... "How is that You, being a Jew, ask a drink from me, a Samaritan Woman?" ... This was just not normal behavior.  Hatred between Jews and Samaritans was fierce and long standing. Permanent walls of bitterness had been erected by both sides. By Jesus's day, the hostilities were so severe that the woman at the well was astonished that Jesus would even speak wit her. John says "Jews have no dealings with Samaritans". So not only was she a woman... but she was a Samaritan Woman... 

I can picture this woman kind of looking around to see if maybe he was looking for someone else, and she just missed them standing there... 
like ummm... are you feeling ok.... 
are you talking to me, kinds of looks and wondering. 

I know I would be.

     I love that Jesus doesn't seem to miss a beat or waste time... 10)... "if you knew the gift of God, and who it is who says to you, 'Give me a drink,' you would have asked Him, and he would have given you living water".  

Can we just take a moment, #1 I love that Jesus refers to Himself in the 3rd person. He is so personable, He is God and he is personable.  
#2 He just lays it all out there... no holds bar... boom there it is. 

Lets continue on .... 
As I read more I found myself chuckling... 

      She says (clearly still know idea about who He is, and I am sure at this point maybe a questioning look on her face, one eyebrow raised kind of look) in verse 11) "Sir, You have nothing to draw with, and the well is deep. Where then do You get that living water? 

*I kind of picture her leaning as she speaks this, still polite, but curious...

12)Are You greater than our father Jacob, who gave us the well, and drank from it himself, as well as his sons and his livestock?"

*I feel like she is totally name dropping here... and I kind of wonder if the politeness has all but left.... maybe?
Like straight forward... who do you think you are? 

     And Jesus... not missing a beat again.... answers... 
13)... "Whoever drinks of this water will thirst again, 14) but whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him will become in him a fountain of water springing up into everlasting life." *mic drop...

Then her answer is so wonderful....

15) "Sir, give me this water, that I may not thirst, nor come here to draw," 
Ya'll she wants to change... she doesn't want to come back. She wants to move forward. Not stay where the world tells her to be, but she wants to be someplace better. 

    She is one smart cookie, and that'ts the key isn't it... that we want something better then what we have. We want to change, we realize we need to change. We want that thirst quenching water.  

      As I read on I seen that she opened up and was honest with Jesus when he mentioned about her husband. Even though He already knows He wanted her to tell Him. 

    This to me is such a beautiful gesture. She could have lied, she clearly didn't know Him from anyone. However she was open and honest. Just like we should be, because even though He already knows He want's us to tell Him. He gives us a chance to repent, to show all our ugly past, He doesn't shame us, He listens as we pour out our hearts.

     Then in verse 23 He says... "But the hour is coming, and now is, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth; for the Father is seeking such to worship Him. 24) God is Spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth. 

     I love the grace and love our Father shows when He already knows, but He is seeking us out and wants to hear us.
He is seeking me out and wants to hear from me. This woman, broken, with a questionable past, single mom, who fails more then not, and He, the creator of everything is seeking me out, and wants to hear from me. 

     The story goes on to tell about how she realized who He was and runs back to the town full of people who says she is not good enough, who she would rather just draw her water with out them there. Who she actively avoids, and she runs back into town for them to know what happened.  

     She spreads the word of who she met, how much He knew of her, and how they all needed to come meet him. 
Verse 28) The woman then left her water pot, 
*she just left everything she came with... and ran...
went her way into the city, and said to the men, 29) "Come, see a Man who told me all the things that I ever did. could this be the Christ?" 30) Then they went out of the city and came to Him. 

     A broken woman, with a questionable past brought the people to meet Jesus. She had a voice. I wonder why they believed her? She was a woman first of all, and she had a past. Yet... they went with her, that's all that mattered.

And in verse 39) it says... And many of the Samaritans of that city believed in Him because of the word of the woman who testified, "He told me all that I ever did".

Her testimony made a difference. Her story was important. 

As you read on you see they asked, well urged, Him to stay and even more believed. 

     All because a woman with a sorted past talked to a man at a well in the middle of the day. She simply was looking for water, not a savior and wanted to avoid the people because they knew her. I just bet Jesus had a smile on His face as she walked up. She was probably trying to avoid eye contact with this strange guy sitting by the well. All the while He knew what was about to happen. Yeah He was smiling, He knew what was going down. 

She found a savior, and because of her testimony more lives where changed. 

      I wonder if as she ran back into town if she was thinking.... "they are never going to believe me, they will think I am crazy, who am I to talk to them..." but that didn't stop her. She told them anyway. 
We never find out her name, but her name wasn't important, her story was. 

      I found it so comforting to re read this story. To just get to know the Savior just a little more. 

     He would truly talk to anyone, at anytime. He was bold and maybe a little witty, the referring to Himself in the 3rd person. He was a gentleman, never shaming the woman for her past. Ever the teacher. Always seeking us out, listening to us, and loving us just exactly where we are even if its at a well in the middle of the day in order to avoid most of the people.

      I am so amazed by Jesus. Even after having such a hard time and the constant reassuring He is always there. He knows me, He knows who I was and the things that I did and yet, He said "I need to go there, to Mountain Home AR. because there is going to be someone there I need to speak with, she is going to need to hear me and know that she is loved, that I love her, that I have plans for her, and I will listen to her as she pours her heart out, so I will be there, I will remind her of who's she is, I will hold her up when she can't stand, and I will wipe away the tears rolling down her face". And faithfully He has been. Never with shame when I fail, always strong when I am not, my peace in the storm that life throws out. He is here, whispering... "You are mine, and you are loved."

      So even when I hear how much I fail, I am so grateful for the whispers of love from my Father. The little nuggets that call me back to the foundation, to The Word, that remind me that, even a broken, sinful woman can make a difference, because God is with me. 



      The beautiful thing is, He says that for all of us. For every single person. He is there for you. 

* John 4:1-42 

Time

Time

Time....
Its a funny thing, it's the one thing you desperately want more of but have so very little of. 

You want more...
Time to say the things you wanted to say but didn't.....
Time to do the things that you left undone....
Time to become the person you wish you could....
Time to love more and hurt less....

But Time, it just keeps on passing with out regard to what you want.

It's the one thing that remains constant in everything.

There have been points in my life where I wish just for one moment that I could take the hands of time and just stop them or send them flying back, but I soon realize that if I did and I changed that one single choice or event that I wouldn't be the person I am today. 

Time is our enemy, and our friend. 

I hear people say......'in time you will understand'..... yet I feel there are just some things that time will never help me understand. 

We long for more time with loved ones who we no longer get to see, more time to just hold them, hug them, love them. But what if we had time to do all these things? What if our time was infinite.

Would we love as passionately and as deeply?
Would we live life to it's fullest, giving each day all we can give?
Would we cherish our time?

Time is our enemy, and our friend. 

It gives and takes. It gives you a new start everyday, and it takes moments away you can never get back. 

I think time is the one thing that I can count on that is never going to change  even if it is the one thing in life that will forever be changing.

It is constant change. 

I hear people say......."if I could just go back in time and tell my younger self"......

Why? Then you would have never had the experiences you did, and you would not be the you that you are today. 

But today I hate time........

I hate that it is ever changing. I hate that I can't just pause just for a moment to enjoy the smiles on my kids faces for longer.
I hate that I can't stop time so I can watch the most beautiful sunset with the man I love just a little longer. 

And .....

I hate time because it wont move fast enough to get through this pain. 
Move faster so that the days don't have to be so hard, the nights so lonely, the weeks don't have to drag on and on.

I hate time because I can't stop it and because I can't move it any faster.

The crazy thing is...

I love time because I can't stop it and because I can't move it any faster.

I don't really think time cares how I feel about it. For that I am glad.
I fear that if it did it would be so confused that it wouldn't know what to do.
So instead it just keeps ticking by, constant, uncaring, ever changing and unknowing of my feelings. 

Time it's a funny thing, it's something we disparately want more of, and the one thing that we will never have but a small finite amount of.

Yes I will

I am not a morning person, I don't like getting up early, I am cranky till I have had coffee and it's just not pretty. However the Lord seems to think I need to be a morning person and a people person, two things I am just not. Anyway, I have learned to love my time early in the morning..... my time with the Lord has come to be something I look forward to everyday. While some days it is a struggle to get up at 4:30 in the am but I always seem to get just what I need from our time together. If I miss it for some reason I have come to miss it, to need it. It's like my day is not right without it. 

This morning I woke up with a song on my mind, and I love that I have come to love when this happens. As I rushed out of bed almost giddy, humming this song this morning He also laid on my heart to share this song, and a verse that seemed to jump out of the Bible at me.

2Timothy 1:5 "when I call to remembrance the genuine faith that is in you, dwelt first in your grandmother Lois, and your mother Eunice and I am persuaded is in you."  (NKJV)

While we can leave behind a vast many things as a legacy to our children, this is the kind of legacy I can hope that I am leaving for my children. That one day someone can say to my boys... That even if the environment wasn't perfect to faithfulness it was still in your family. Your mom still had genuine faith that is passed down in you. If the only thing I pass down to my boys is faith in the Lord and a love for Him, an obedient life to Him then I consider that a parenting win!! I will continue to say "Yes I will" .... 

As a single mom I always hope I am enough, and I can be what they need me to be for them. This gives me hope, because Timothy's dad was not a believer. However the faith that was found in his grandmother and mother was enough to put down a firm foundation for him. 

His word this morning was very clear.... You child are enough just keep going.

The song that was on my heart is "Yes I will" by Vertical Worship

Seems fitting that He gives me this message and this song at the same time. I will continue to say Yes I will in spite of worry, or fear..... That even though I don't see it now, He is going to finish the good works He started in my mom, in me and now on into my boys. 


I count on one thing

The same God that never fails
Will not fail me now
You won't fail me now
In the waiting
The same God who's never late
Is working all things out
You're working all things out

Yes I will, lift You high in the lowest valley
Yes I will, bless Your name
Oh, yes I will, sing for joy when my heart is heavy
All my days, oh yes I will

I count on one thing
The same God that never fails
Will not fail me now
You won't fail me now
In the waiting
The same God who's never late
Is working all things out
Is working all things out

Oh, yes I will, lift You high in the lowest valley
Yes I will, bless Your name
Oh, yes I will, sing for joy when my heart is heavy
For all my days, oh yes I will
For all my days, oh yes, I will

And I choose to praise
To glorify, glorify
The Name of all names
That nothing can stand against
And I choose to praise
To glorify, glorify
The Name of all names
That nothing can stand against
And I choose to praise
To glorify, glorify
The Name of all names
That nothing can stand against
And I choose to praise
To glorify, to glorify
The Name of all names
That nothing can stand against

For all my days, yes, I will.....

I hope you all enjoy the song as much as I did this morning....
Happy Tuesday!!!

The Voice of Truth

It's 4 am and I have found myself up all night again. It's been a crazy week of going non stop, and I guess tonight was no different. I would like to say it's the first time in a long time that this has happened but it would be a lie. It happens more and more. I feel like I have so much to say and yet no clue how to say it. It would be great if I could at least get things all in order. 

I find I have been spending a lot of time just wondering if what I know I have been called to do is going to cause problems with my kids, or if they will understand. I know it's just the enemy trying to get me down but it's really been on my mind. The other day as if out of no where something happened that seemed to set my mind at ease. The boys and I have spent the last several days in Dallas for my oldest son's S.T.E.M. National Youth Leadership camp, and my youngest and I spent some time just seeing the sights of Dallas. We had an amazing time, and Sam and I got to spend some one on one time with each other. 

 Proud mom moment!! He is growing to fast!!! 

My Sweet Sam loves him some Lego's!!! 

As we were on the way back from Lego land one afternoon, something happened and it really hit me right in the face.... 

It was hot, as seems to be the case in Dallas in late June, and we had spent some time playing in Lego Land and got on the road to "home" at the wrong time we had hoped to. In hopes to miss some traffic (as if you really could) we wanted to either get out early or stay a little extra longer to avoid as much of rush hours (yes I said hours, it seems rush hour lasts a few hours) as we could. However we found ourselves enjoying the late afternoon rush of folks heading home. As we made our way along, I hear Sam humming a tune that sounded very familiar but I couldn't place it. So I listened a little closer and finally asked him what he was humming. 

I wasn't ready for what he said.... "ummmm... mom... it's that truth song we listen to".... ummmm... okay... So I said ..."can you sing a little of it because I can't place it"... 

And he starts in...." The voice of truth says 'do not be afraid' ...."

AHHHH.... That one....

I said..." Oh ok bud.... that's a good song"  He says ..."yeah mom the Bible says.. don't be afraid..."!

What kind of timing He has. 

I just drove along feeling like I was going to just bust out and cry right there in the middle of downtown traffic. You see, I have been blasted with how much it seems I have failed at so many things over the years. How can I think I could do any of it right. It felt like every turn I made it was the wrong one. But sitting there, driving in that hot late afternoon Dallas traffic my sweet 10 year old son was delivering a message right to me. Horns going, cars every where, we hadn't turned any music on so to make sure I could hear the GPS just fine and I would make no mistakes getting us back, and it seems the GPS was not what I needed to hear. 
We made it "home" that afternoon just fine, and as we walked up the stairs he turned and looked at me and said.... "Hey mom.... you are the best mom ever, I love you.... oh and mom... we all have bad days, sometimes lots of bad days together but it's all going to be ok... don't worry...don't be afraid....", he smiled the sweetest smile and turned and ran on up the stairs ahead of me ready to get back in the A/C and something to eat. 

I was in awe of how perfect his words were right then, and I stood there for a moment and smiled. 

As soon as we got in the house, he was off to watch TV as he wait for something to eat. 

I don't think he will ever fully understand the gravity of what had just happened. My little boy delivered a message that I needed more then words can express. 

I think it just goes to show that the Lord can speak to us in many different ways, and different times when we least expect it. He can speak to us, and through us,  if we are just open to hear. 

Phillip Yancy said.... "I can not control the voice of God or how it comes. I can only control my 'ears'- my readiness to listen and quickness to respond."


I can't say that I am always open to hear like I should be, but I am working on it. I hope that as I go on down this road my ears will be open more and more and He will come easier to hear. I pray that everyone will hear and be open to His word. I also pray that my sweet boy will never lose the ability to deliver His message, and will always be open to His word. That day my sweet 10 year old boy preached to his momma in a way no one else could. 

I just had to share what a beautiful moment I was blessed with and hope that maybe the words of a 10 year old boy might ring through to someone else.... "I love you... we all have bad days, sometimes lots of bad days together but it's all going to be ok... don't worry...don't be afraid...."! 

Here is the song, just in case anyone needed to hear this too!!!

The Voice

Have you ever had a moment as a grown adult that you just are giddy in a store. Like Christmas morning giddy.... I totally squelled in delight in a store this past week. I am a 38 year old woman and I squeeled in a store! 

So what happened you ask.... oh I am so glad you asked.... let me tell you! 

So on this particular day I was actually in the store, ok Hobby Lobby, and I was looking for something completely unrelated (honestly I didn't know they sold books) and just happen to walk by a far check out line (no one was manning it) that had the cute little key chains that I spotted. No I was not really looking for a key chain, I just simply got side tracked, as I always seem to do in this store. You see I have a love for flamingos and yes.... there was a flamingo key chain that I just happen to spot. 

As I got closer I noticed that there were books. Curious as to the books they might have, maybe something to do with design or decor, I realized they were not something I was expecting, devotionals and journals, beautifully decorated with tiny little flowers and little flakes of gold. As I circled around the end I see it, the book I have been wanting to read and just really dive into, and at a great deal.... I couldn't believe my eyes. I was just like a little girl on Christmas morning. I immediately snatched it up and placed it in my cart, and headed to checkout!! 

I was so excited to dive in but couldn't put the other one down, and I am not that kind of gal that I start one before I finish another. I could give you all kinds of reasons as to why and sound real cool, but really is I don't think I could focus on two books at the same time and actually get anything from them.  Don't get me wrong the other book was/is fantastic, and I would recommend everyone take some time to read it! You will defiantly be blessed. 

That evening I finished up the 1st book and thought long and hard about starting the new one but decided against it. I didn't want to risk staying up all night reading and then regret sets in about mid day the next day at work. So I opted for prayer and curling up in bed for a good nights sleep. However I tossed and turned wondering what was in this book. So I peeked.... and the peek grew into reading. I decided I would only read  a few pages and that turned into rounding out the first chapter. And in true Me fashion... I have to bust out the highlighter and pencil.

I now have the first chapter down and am looking forward to the rest of the book.  So if you are looking for a fantastic book I highly recommend this one! 

Enjoy!!!! Oh and don't forget your highlighter!!!!

Rescue

I began this post almost a month ago and never seemed to be able to start it like I wanted to or say what I wanted to. It seems the words just couldn't make their way on to the page as I wanted them to. My thoughts came jumbled up and all over till I finally just got up and left it for another day. Days would pass and I would open up to finish, and nothing sounded right, the words would just be off. So I would close it up and leave it for another day again. It seems after a month of going back and forth I am here again, at 12:30 in the morning, deleting everything that I had typed and starting new. 

Unable to sleep again because there is something on my mind. I feel like the Lord and I have some of our best conversations in the wee hours in the morning. It's as if he is saying, "Now you have nothing going on and we need to talk". Sometimes I wonder if it's a test to see if I will obey or if I will push Him aside. I would love to say that I always drop to my knees and talk with my King, but that would be a lie. Sometimes I walk the floor just trying to avoid a heart wrenching talk that I know we need to have. Just one more stronghold to destroy at 1 am, and I feel like I just can't take anymore. The constant state of emotional tears of dealing with things I would like to just move on from. Realizing that the only way to move on is to place them in my Fathers hand. You would think I would actively look forward to this. A freeing moment, however reliving old wounds is never fun. I know He wants this so that I can continue to move forward and grow. But just when I think I am knocking these strongholds down with Him more seem to pop up. I get discouraged, frustrated and angry at myself, and soon realize there is always going to be work to do, Hello newly discovered stronghold. 

I just wanted to take a few moments to share with you all of this because maybe there is someone out there who is feeling the same way. Two steps forward and three steps back sometimes, or at least that's how it feels. I am here to tell you that you are not alone. The enemy just want's us to feel that we are so we wallow in this. He wants to keep us from what we are meant to do. 
Don't let him. Don't give in.... fall down to your knees and have that hard conversation let God help you destroy the strongholds. It may seem painful and suffocating but it's only like that because we don't do what He leads us to do, give it all to Him, because we want to do it ourselves or just not deal with it at all. He truly is the only one who can help. He is the great physician, and He longs for you to let Him help. 

As with most of my life it seems a song can say it best and this one really has hit the nail on the head....




He will rescue you. He is waiting for you to just say the words, accept Him. 
I lived for many years angry, hurt, feeling abandoned, beaten down physically and emotionally, broken, and tired of the pain, I have been lied to, lied about, used and discarded like trash. Wishing that someone would just take the pain away. One night, in the early hours of the morning He found me in the middle of the darkness and He came for me when I needed Him because all I could do was cry out to the Lord. 
"In my distress I cried out to the Lord and He heard me" Psalms 120:1 
It happened just like that. It's like he was waiting, just at the edge of Heaven waiting for my call, my cry. At that moment, the healer came to start the healing process. As much as I would like for it to hurry along and be done, it all happens in His time. Like a wound that is healing, the scab looks nasty, and it itches and it hurts but once the scab is gone there will be new pretty skin. You will be made new again!

Philippians 1:6 "Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Jesus Christ" 

I look forward to that day. I have hope again for a day that the pain never bothers me again. I feel that the sting of the abuse and hurt will be a constant reminder of what I have over come, even though there is new skin the scar is still there lots are physical and many are unseen but with the help of my Lord the hope replaces the pain. It doesn't control my life anymore and I am learning to welcome the early morning down pour, but just like Jacob walked with a limp after his encounter with God I will always have that reminder, BUT then GOD steps in and the joy of knowing that because of Jesus and the cross I have hope for a better tomorrow because He didn't save me to leave me here. He will continue His good works in me. 

Recently I was reminded again just how I don't listen that good all the time. I was sitting in the doctors office because of some back issues and the pain had got to a boiling point, and he said to me...."Do you know what a girdle is for?" and of course I said yes.... He says "your core has gotten so weak that your back is doing work it shouldn't have to do, and it's causing you problems"... yes I know.... after 9 operations in my core area the muscles have become so weak that my back was picking up the slack. My back was trying to correct my body. It wasn't designed to carry that kind of weight, no ones is, that's why the core or abdominal muscles are so vital to your health. They are what move you, not your back. Now according to Paul the first piece of armor he mentions in Ephesians is the Belt of Truth, because you start with a solid foundation in the truth, ie... the WORD OF GOD. 
In learning all this I seen the issue with my back. That I was weak, and I needed to start from the beginning and work my way back to where I needed to be. That's funny because I had just been praying and asking the Lord, "what's next" and I continued to get no answer. Well if we are being honest, I got the answer, awhile ago, and felt like it was time for something new.... lets keep doing more and more. Not only do I need to start building a solid foundation for my body but also in my faith. I was reminded of that just days after I spoke with the doctor. This time in came in the form I was not ready for. 
I started my Sunday like any other....
Got up early, made my coffee (thanked the Lord for this wonderful bean juice as I do most mornings as I wait for it to brew), enjoyed the sunrise and headed to start a load of laundry before I headed out to feed the animals. 
The boys were with their dad so it was just me to get ready for church. 
I walked to the bedroom, grabbed the laundry basket and headed to the laundry room. I sorted and loaded the first load. Bent over to pick up the laundry basket and hit the floor.
My back gave smooth out. 
I was done
I couldn't stand up, shooting pain caused me to stay as still as I could for awhile. After a little while I knew I had to have help because no one would be to the house till 5 pm that day when the boys would be dropped back off at home. I decided I had to do something, so I crawled to my bedroom where my phone was resting on the night stand. Tears rolling down my face, I paused as I crawled past my closet, my war room. A room that once held great pain from childhood now was the place I poured my heart out to my Father. (that's an entirely different story that one day I hope to share, but for now we will leave it at this, the closet held me in a state of great fear, and a reminder of pain I never wanted to deal with again, for decades.) My God took a place of great pain and turned it into a place of great comfort. I find many times when I have been in pain I hurried to my closet, I craved for time in there where I could fall on my knees and pour my heart out. It was now a safe place for me. (Yes it seems crazy but it is the truth) Instead of crawling to my phone to call someone to come help me up, I crawled to my closet and laid down face first sobbing. Praying for help, for healing. He took me to the ground. Needless to say I didn't make it to church that morning, but oh was there some healing going on. I also had my answer, I have to build a solid foundation before I can move on to the next place He wants me. I have to make the foundation of my faith so saturated in the word that the enemy wont stand a chance when he comes for me, and he will come.... he always comes, for me, for my family, for my friends, for my family's business, he has tried to attack with lies and hatefulness, but that's ok let him come because he wont be fighting me, he will get to come toe to toe with my King. I find great comfort knowing the verse in Zachariah 2:5 "For I, says the Lord, will be a wall of fire around her and I will be the Glory in her midst". So let him come. 
The Lord had some things to say that day and I had no where else to be but on my face praying for help, crying out again for His help. My stubborn ways had gotten in the way again.... can you say stronghold. Oh how it came crumbling down. I will obey and do what is asked of me, and while I wait I will praise him in the hallway before the next door is opened. I will build my foundation on the solid rock of my King. 

You see many times in the worst of my days, through the pain, through the depression, the self loathing, through all of it he has come to rescue me. He will be the wall of fire around me, He will send out an army to find me and rescue me. Not because I am a somebody, but simply because I am His and He loves me, and He has a plan for my life, just as He has a plan for yours. 

You are not alone.

Reflections, and Forgiveness * Oh Glorious Day

This last week I have really been doing a lot of thinking on the events of this weekend. There is always a lot going on, with the shop, with the kids, and whats happening in the church, but today I have been really reflecting on the events from a couple thousand years ago. 
Even today I am in awe of what was happening this time a couple thousand years ago. 

It amazes me how the Spirit works in us and in others around us to really push what we need in our lives. Today I am grateful for that. Everyday too, but this day it has been especially in my face. What I studied in my bible study this morning, to the music that played as I was getting around, right down to the conversation I had with my kids last night and the night before. It's all tied into what this day is and what this weekend means. 

Yes Easter is a beautiful time of year, the flowers are blooming, the weather is warming up, we get together with loved ones to spend time together. But what this weekend really means is something so much more. 

In my study this morning I was reading in Ephesians and I have been studying about how to be firm in your life in Christ. This week has been about Salvation and today was about the how we are saved. I mean it was unreal what had to be done for my soul to be saved. 
Ephesians 2:8 says... "For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves, it is a gift from God...." (NKJV) What Jesus did was a gift, but when you think about the cost it has to be the most valuable gift anyone could receive. The price was His blood and not just a drop but all of Him. He was beat, His body torn to bits, and then He hung there on the cross for me. The physical pain He must have endured, and still He did it for me. I am in awe and humbled by what the cost was. I am so not worthy of this kind of love but He GAVE it anyway. He loves me anyway, in spite of everything I have done. There is a song that just wrecks me every time I hear it..... it "Forgiven"

Forgiven By Crowder 

Man the lyrics just kill me.....

I'm the one who held the nail
It was cold between my fingertips
I've hidden in the garden
I've denied You with my very lips

God, I fall down to my knees
with a hammer in my hand
You look at me, arms open

Forgiven! Forgiven!
Child there is freedom from all of it
Say goodbye to every sin
You are forgiven!

I've done things I wish I hadn't done
I've seen things I wish I hadn't seen
Just the thought of Your amazing grace
And I cry "Jesus, forgive me!"

God, I fall down to my knees
with a hammer in my hand
You look at me, arms open

Forgiven! Forgiven!
Child there is freedom from all of it
Say goodbye to every sin
You are forgiven!

I could've been six feet under
I could've been lost forever
Yeah I should be in that fire
But now there's fire inside of me
Here I am a dead man walking
No grave gonna hold God's people
All the weight of all our evil
Lifted away forever free
Who could believe, who could believe?

Forgiven! Forgiven!
You love me even when I don't deserve it
Forgiven! I'm Forgiven!
Jesus Your blood makes me innocent
So I will say goodbye to every sin
I am forgiven!
Forgiven! Forgiven!
Child there is freedom from all of it
Say goodbye to every sin
I am forgiven!
I am forgiven!

As I listen to it now I just can't believe that I was headed to the grave a lost person bound for an eternity in Hell and now I have a different destination, eternity with My KING. 

He did that for me. I reflect this weekend on the price that was paid for me, a single mom, broken, sinner, unworthy, but I'm saved, loved, child of the one and only King, FORGIVEN. 

According to Ephesians 2:8-9 there is nothing I could do to deserve this gift, God's forgiveness, it was a gift by His grace, and love. Ephesians 2:13 says " you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ" I am forgiven by the blood of Christ. I am forgiven because the price has already been paid, not by me but by Christ. A perfect person with out sin, freely given. 

L. asked this week what it meant to be scourged by a Roman solider, and I explained what it would be like. I saw the tears fill my 12 year old eyes, and then he asked me why would He do that. All I could do was cry with him and the only explanation was.... LOVE. Because He Loved us so much He knew on our own we would never get to be with Him, so He gave everything to be with us. Because he wants a relationship with US.  He stood as they mocked Him, beat Him and hung Him on a cross where He gave his life for us so that we can be with Him. 

As I watched as my son wept my heart swelled to know my son, my sweet boy began to realize his worth to my King, to HIS KING! 

As a mother I never want my kids to cry or hurt, it hurts me, but this night, this time, I watched in joy as he came to realized the unconditional and relentless love The King of Kings has for us. It was beautiful! 

I pray he never loses that feeling of awe and being wrecked by God's love. I pray that we always remember the love He has for us and we never stopped being wrecked by it. I pray we are always falling down on our face in reverence of Him. 

I have to tell y'all this weekend means so much more then beautiful flowers, good weather, and time with family, it means a Savior who gave it all for a broken world, who stretched out his arms and gave it all for us. Who 3 days later walked out of the grave for us. He lives today for us, waiting for us, and loving us, ready to have a relationship with us. He has this amazing gift to give if only we will reach out and receive it. I don't have a dead King, I have a living King. One who took back life and who gave me a new life. 

.....Living He loved me, Dying He saved me, Buried He carried my sins far away, Rising He justified freely forever and one day He's coming Oh Glorious day! One day they led Him up Calvary's mountain and nailed Him to die on a tree, suffering anguish, despised and rejected, bearing our sins, my Redeemer is He. Hands that healed nations, stretched out on a tree and took the nails for me....

(Casting Crowns, Glorious Day)

Today I reflect on the man that took the nails for me. Sunday I will rejoice for the Man that walked out of the grave. 

I pray you all have a beautiful weekend and enjoy this beautiful weather and time with your loved ones. But mostly I pray you spend sometime reflecting on what this amazing gift that was given for you and me.