Happy First Day of Spring!!!! 

I have been looking forward to spending the week of spring break with my boys and so far it has been awesome. I did have to go into work Monday and I will be in the shop on Friday for weddings but, it has been a great week of relaxing and just hanging out with the boys. 

However the first day of spring has brought about some rather chilly weather so we have tucked ourselves away in the house probably more then we should. We have slept in, (something I haven't done in a long time) and mostly just hung out catching up on TV shows we have been wanting to watch, playing video games as a family, either mine-craft (don't judge it's a pretty cool game once you figure it out!) or Assassin's Creed Odyssey. I don't normally partake in the marathons of these games but the boys like them and I love the boys so, win win I guess you could say! We are planning on doing a couple hikes and getting out but for today I am perfectly fine being curled up with my goons laughing and just having fun. 

I did do some productive things like, clean out a couple closets, and go through some of the boys clothes they can't fit in anymore, and after 8 months in our new home I finally put the last of the curtains up. 

I still have things to put on the wall and closets to finish going through but it's a process. I have also been catching up on some reading and studying as well. So it's not all just games! 

We can't forget about the ever adorable Bud. We turned him out in the field for the day and then he gets tucked away at night in the stall but he sure has been loving his time to romp and roam a little more. He has been especially hungry at night time feeding now that he is roaming and moving a lot more! 

He is one hungry boy! The boys find the calf slobber particularly gross and I have to agree. I think he looks cute as a button, just as long as that yucky stuff stays away from me. He isn't to fond of waiting either. He wants what he wants and he wants it now!!! I can totally relate! Maybe that's why we get along so well!

Tomorrow is going to be a day of running around and getting some errands done so today I am going to bask in the day of nothingness and love every bit of it. 
I hope ya'll have a great Spring break and if you get the chance to bask in nothingness and just relax, do that!! You wont be sorry in the long run. We get to busy and running all the time, sometimes we just have to bask in nothing and enjoy our family and time to do just what we want to do.  

Happy Spring!!!!    

Known

This weekend has been a weekend of reflection and work. Not normal work, however I did clean out the stalls at the barn, but the work I am talking about is work on myself. I had a moment this past week when I was talking to someone that just wouldn't listen. That every thing I said was getting twisted and words left out. They didn't hear me. And I was getting so frustrated that they couldn't just hear me. Don't leave words out of what I said and use that as my words. This has happened with others over the course of my life, and it has always drove me crazy. If you are going to use my words against me please use all of them not just parts of them. Has this ever happened to ya'll? I am sure it probably has, because it's not a new concept, that we take what one person says and we mesh it with how we feel and then we only hear what we want to hear out of it. I myself have done that as well. 

This particular instance drove me crazy because it was someone I love dearly. They seemed to be hurting and all I wanted to do was help. I was the last person that needed to help, or so I thought. 

         * Do you find it funny sometimes that the things that we are lead to do               seem silly to us and we don't understand why we have to do it and then             it turns out to be a great blessing to us once we do what we are asked? I           have stopped finding it funny and just smile later knowing that it was for           a reason, a divine reason. God seems to know what I need before I even           need it.* 

I knew we would talk when the day started and I was not looking forward to it. I didn't understand what good could possibly come from it. It always ends the same. As the day went on all I wanted to do was run and not face this yet again. After work we sat down and had a chat that lasted hours. It was not so fun most of the time but things got handled that I didn't even know needed to be handled between us. As I drove home after our chat I didn't understand why this needed to happen again. It really wasn't till later the next day that I realized why He wanted me to deal with this issue again. 

I realize this is the same thing we do to God. We take His words and put our emotions and our own spin on it and use it to work for us, not Him. We should read the Bible and remove our own personal agenda and just be fed by the Word that God puts in front of us so that we can understand His will. 

If we use just one verse to prove our point we end up missing the big picture, we take part of God's Word and ask question after question and never grasp the understanding because all we see is one verse, and we don't hear Him. How completely disappointed He must be. I am so very glad that He gives us moments that we can look back on and get a glimpse of how He might be feeling. All I could do when that washed over me is to just cry, I seem to cry often and before anyone goes off saying I am depressed I can assure you I am not. I am over come by my guilt of what I have done and ask for help to not do it again, there is a huge difference in crying for no reason and crying for a reason. I believe it is God making me ready. He is tearing down all the walls and strongholds I have put up in my life so that I am left empty and open to His will. His Spirit can't work in me as long as I am full of myself. So He takes me and uses His word and His Spirit to wreck me in order to fill me. It seems so strange to say and to think that I had so many strongholds in my life that it seems almost constant that we have to go through this. I am ashamed to say there are so many. 

The first step really is admitting that I have the issue. 

We don't like to be wrong. I know that for a fact for me. I don't want to be wrong I like being right. Who doesn't …..

I wasn't wrong in what I was saying to this person, the issue needed to be worked through,  but I was wrong to question if I really needed to be the one to talk to them. I was wrong about, maybe who this was for or the lesson itself. I am humbled to be able to learn this lesson. I look forward to learning more about who God is and what he wants from me. 

When I said to God I want to know You better, and I asked him to make me ready for his plan for my life I never imagined I would be so much tearing down of me. I clearly needed a lesson of humility! I am so thankful that I am being torn down. That is the point, right. More of You God and Less of me! 

How can we as Christians begin to talk to people with out know who we are talking to them about. I can't tell you how amazing He is with out knowing myself. How do I know He is so amazing with out getting to know Him myself. 

As I read through His word I find it absolutely amazing the things He has done, and how over the span of thousands of years His word still hold true to even todays events and our life now. I am in awe of Him daily. Little moments when I don't understand why, He shows me why. 

Yes I was frustrated with what this person was saying and butchering my words and then twisting everything that I didn't fully realize the gravity of what was happening. Now I understand but I didn't get there except by praying about why this was needed that I realize that I needed to understand more. Maybe the words that where spoken that night will make a difference to them, just as much as the lesson for me did. I pray it will. 

As these walls are being pulled down I am in awe of how much I am known to him and how much He loves me. I do struggle with how much my eyes were closed and the shame I feel about the things I did when my eyes were closed. I am so thankful that His love is greater then my sin. I am so thankful that His Grace is so big. It still astounds me how He uses what He knows about me to get my attention to make me what He wants me to be. He knows that I am stubborn and sometimes we have to go through this over and over again just get the point across. 2Peter 1:7  says "For God has not given us a Spirit of fear, but of Power and of Love and of Sound Mind".... He want's us to understand and He is willing to go over a lesson time and time again to get us to a sound mind fixed on Him. Thank goodness that I am known by Him, and He is working to making Himself and His heart and will known to me. He wants that for all of us!  

The song "Known" by Tauren Wells is playing and I can't help but think how fitting that it is for me today. 

** So I started this post before I went to church today and I just ran short on time, and now I am adding to it because the message today was on Obedience. The preacher spoke of Balaam and the talking donkey and how Balaam's disobedience started when he decided to go when God told him not to. What a story, and I'm not just talking about the Donkey who spoke to Balaam but what a story on obedience.* If you want to read about it you can find it in Numbers 22.*  He knew what it would take to open Balaam's eyes to his request, it took a donkey to talk to him! He nudged him when he started off, then tried something a little more intense, then the eye opening awesomeness!!! 

How amazing is it that the same God who can make a donkey talk to get his point across is the same God who knew exactly what it would take for me to open my eyes thousands of years later!!! I can totally relate to Balaam. Not that he had a talking donkey, none of my animals have spoken to me, but that it took an extreme act to open his and my eyes. It defiantly was a weekend of opening up my heart and eyes even more. 

Whats been going on

I can't hardly wait to tell you all the things that have been a brew here at my little slice. 

First ….. I lived through Valentines day! So Win!!! This my friends is defiantly worthy of a happy dance.

2nd.... we have a new member of the family....

His name is Bud. *thank you SJ for the name. 

He is super sweet and hungry all the time so he fits right in with my two strapping boys

(the boys and I enjoying some Ice-cream)

and our very spoiled pit bull Goose.

(this is Goose, one of the mean horrible man eating pit bulls)

Bud likes to spend his days lounging in the sun, if we had any, and slopping down his warm bottles and apparently pooping in his food bowl. He also enjoys the occasional nudge in the back side of me when he thinks he needs more milk. We also play this super fun game of "run around the pin and kick up our feet and fart" it's super cool, Goose also joins in the game in the back yard and in the house and we call that the zoomies. After such play we retire to our warm bed of straw and momma closes up the pin and we all go fast asleep. 

He really is a sweet heart, and I have already grown crazy attached to the little feller.

We also have a few new things starting at the flower shop and I am super excited about that as well! I get to teach and that makes me happy. ** Plug** if you want to know more click on over to our Facebook page... https://www.facebook.com/bouquetpalaceflowers and check out the events section.... Design with Friends and all kinds of new and exciting things. Our next class is April 5th. We will be doing a fun Easter/Spring arrangement!
 

So it's been very busy round here for the past few weeks. There has been a lot of bottles, and cleaning up poop *from the cow mind you, and lots of planning and study. The boys are busy as ever in school and I can only guess that as they continue to grow *fyi I would like that to slow down please and thank you* it will only get busier. I really don't know if I just want more time as sweet little boys or I am not looking forward to buying new jeans all the time because they wont stop growing out of them, yeah it's the first and maybe a little of the last.  But really my oldest L. is now 1/2 inch taller then me. He is 12 and 5' 7 1/2" (we absolutely have to have that half inch thing on there because he is so excited about being taller then mom*insert eye roll). He is looking forward to the S.T.E.M. this year in Dallas on the University of Dallas Campus. If you don't know what that stands for don't worry I didn't either, but it is Science Technology Engineering and Math camp. So total nerd camp, and please don't be offended I am in love with the fact that my son is a total nerd. He is so smart that he just simply amazes me. It also amazes me that he sometimes can't find the mayo behind the milk jug, or he can't seem to remember to get his lunch box from his locker. I totally hold on to the absolute kid behavior because in so many other areas he is so smart, I love that he still needs his momma to remind him for the 100th time to bring his lunch box home, oh and to yell "momma loves you" real loud when I drop him off at school in the morning. I do what I can to keep him grounded and absolutely embarrassed most of the time. 

I have been blessed with these 2 wonderful and amazing boys, one is so book smart its not funny and the other is beyond creative. My sweet SJ has an imagination that just wont stop. He has created so many stories and adventures I wish I had thought to write them all down. He builds back drops for videos he likes to take and has fallen in love with the camera. *he is kind of a ham too* but he asked if he could have a real camera like the professionals use. I can't wait to get him his own camera. For now he can use mine. It's a few years old but still shoots really good photos. I feel like I won the lotto with my kids. They are my heart and as most parents would say... they are the best. Again I may be partial because they came from my personal space, but still they are pretty cool little dudes! I just have to say that over the past few years as they really have grown into their own personalities and are really finding the things they love it has been one of the biggest blessing as a mom. I really am, inspite of my previous comments about wanting them to stay small, I look forward to seeing their lives grow and the plan that God has for each of them. 

One of my goals this year was to get back to blogging more and really opening up and sharing more about life as a Christian, single mom, and florist in the hopes that there is at least one more mother out there who feels like pulling their hair out most of the time and I am not actually alone in this, and maybe just maybe we can ban together and help each other along the way. 

I have been working hard on getting back to a better me, a me I have missed for some time now. She was in there just kind of hidden under a giant pile of dirty laundry, dirty dishes and a house that desperately needed cleaned. I spent many of my married days working in the house, or on the farm thanklessly and now realize she got lost in that mess. Now as a single mother I still find myself locked away working thanklessly, bending and stretching to the will of so many others *not my kids, I would gladly do that that all day everyday for them* but for others who I shouldn't have to.... or so I thought. I spent days and nights giving and giving and was really tired of it, till something moved in my heart. I had fallen so far away from what I had been taught in Sunday school that it took a good long time for me to find my way back out of the pig pin. I realized that serving others was something I was supposed to do as a Christian. I lost sight of that, I got bogged down by the weight of the world, by the problems of my past and let that make me bitter and angry. It's taking a lot of work and prayer and tears and swallowing my pride to get to this point and Lord knows I have a long way to go. But y 'all it is worth the push.  You see I was saved a long time ago and then I let anger take control of my life. I was mad all the time, I was hurt by my past and I let it control and ruin my present. I found out that no matter how far you go Jesus is always seeking you out. He is looking for you in the storm. That spoke volumes to me. 

So this is my walk, my ugly walk if you will, back to where I need to be. Not for me but for the guy who came after me in the storm. My life is fairly ordinary and I have little to offer, but as a very smart man once said, God can take a little and make it a lot. If you don't believe me check out Mark 6:30-44. Its a fantastic account of how Jesus took very little and multiplied it into something very amazing. 

My story is probably like others, but His story is so much more. I look forward to living out His story for my life and sharing it with others so that maybe there might be one person who can have the courage to let Him make their little and turn it into so much more.