Known

This weekend has been a weekend of reflection and work. Not normal work, however I did clean out the stalls at the barn, but the work I am talking about is work on myself. I had a moment this past week when I was talking to someone that just wouldn't listen. That every thing I said was getting twisted and words left out. They didn't hear me. And I was getting so frustrated that they couldn't just hear me. Don't leave words out of what I said and use that as my words. This has happened with others over the course of my life, and it has always drove me crazy. If you are going to use my words against me please use all of them not just parts of them. Has this ever happened to ya'll? I am sure it probably has, because it's not a new concept, that we take what one person says and we mesh it with how we feel and then we only hear what we want to hear out of it. I myself have done that as well. 

This particular instance drove me crazy because it was someone I love dearly. They seemed to be hurting and all I wanted to do was help. I was the last person that needed to help, or so I thought. 

         * Do you find it funny sometimes that the things that we are lead to do               seem silly to us and we don't understand why we have to do it and then             it turns out to be a great blessing to us once we do what we are asked? I           have stopped finding it funny and just smile later knowing that it was for           a reason, a divine reason. God seems to know what I need before I even           need it.* 

I knew we would talk when the day started and I was not looking forward to it. I didn't understand what good could possibly come from it. It always ends the same. As the day went on all I wanted to do was run and not face this yet again. After work we sat down and had a chat that lasted hours. It was not so fun most of the time but things got handled that I didn't even know needed to be handled between us. As I drove home after our chat I didn't understand why this needed to happen again. It really wasn't till later the next day that I realized why He wanted me to deal with this issue again. 

I realize this is the same thing we do to God. We take His words and put our emotions and our own spin on it and use it to work for us, not Him. We should read the Bible and remove our own personal agenda and just be fed by the Word that God puts in front of us so that we can understand His will. 

If we use just one verse to prove our point we end up missing the big picture, we take part of God's Word and ask question after question and never grasp the understanding because all we see is one verse, and we don't hear Him. How completely disappointed He must be. I am so very glad that He gives us moments that we can look back on and get a glimpse of how He might be feeling. All I could do when that washed over me is to just cry, I seem to cry often and before anyone goes off saying I am depressed I can assure you I am not. I am over come by my guilt of what I have done and ask for help to not do it again, there is a huge difference in crying for no reason and crying for a reason. I believe it is God making me ready. He is tearing down all the walls and strongholds I have put up in my life so that I am left empty and open to His will. His Spirit can't work in me as long as I am full of myself. So He takes me and uses His word and His Spirit to wreck me in order to fill me. It seems so strange to say and to think that I had so many strongholds in my life that it seems almost constant that we have to go through this. I am ashamed to say there are so many. 

The first step really is admitting that I have the issue. 

We don't like to be wrong. I know that for a fact for me. I don't want to be wrong I like being right. Who doesn't …..

I wasn't wrong in what I was saying to this person, the issue needed to be worked through,  but I was wrong to question if I really needed to be the one to talk to them. I was wrong about, maybe who this was for or the lesson itself. I am humbled to be able to learn this lesson. I look forward to learning more about who God is and what he wants from me. 

When I said to God I want to know You better, and I asked him to make me ready for his plan for my life I never imagined I would be so much tearing down of me. I clearly needed a lesson of humility! I am so thankful that I am being torn down. That is the point, right. More of You God and Less of me! 

How can we as Christians begin to talk to people with out know who we are talking to them about. I can't tell you how amazing He is with out knowing myself. How do I know He is so amazing with out getting to know Him myself. 

As I read through His word I find it absolutely amazing the things He has done, and how over the span of thousands of years His word still hold true to even todays events and our life now. I am in awe of Him daily. Little moments when I don't understand why, He shows me why. 

Yes I was frustrated with what this person was saying and butchering my words and then twisting everything that I didn't fully realize the gravity of what was happening. Now I understand but I didn't get there except by praying about why this was needed that I realize that I needed to understand more. Maybe the words that where spoken that night will make a difference to them, just as much as the lesson for me did. I pray it will. 

As these walls are being pulled down I am in awe of how much I am known to him and how much He loves me. I do struggle with how much my eyes were closed and the shame I feel about the things I did when my eyes were closed. I am so thankful that His love is greater then my sin. I am so thankful that His Grace is so big. It still astounds me how He uses what He knows about me to get my attention to make me what He wants me to be. He knows that I am stubborn and sometimes we have to go through this over and over again just get the point across. 2Peter 1:7  says "For God has not given us a Spirit of fear, but of Power and of Love and of Sound Mind".... He want's us to understand and He is willing to go over a lesson time and time again to get us to a sound mind fixed on Him. Thank goodness that I am known by Him, and He is working to making Himself and His heart and will known to me. He wants that for all of us!  

The song "Known" by Tauren Wells is playing and I can't help but think how fitting that it is for me today. 

** So I started this post before I went to church today and I just ran short on time, and now I am adding to it because the message today was on Obedience. The preacher spoke of Balaam and the talking donkey and how Balaam's disobedience started when he decided to go when God told him not to. What a story, and I'm not just talking about the Donkey who spoke to Balaam but what a story on obedience.* If you want to read about it you can find it in Numbers 22.*  He knew what it would take to open Balaam's eyes to his request, it took a donkey to talk to him! He nudged him when he started off, then tried something a little more intense, then the eye opening awesomeness!!! 

How amazing is it that the same God who can make a donkey talk to get his point across is the same God who knew exactly what it would take for me to open my eyes thousands of years later!!! I can totally relate to Balaam. Not that he had a talking donkey, none of my animals have spoken to me, but that it took an extreme act to open his and my eyes. It defiantly was a weekend of opening up my heart and eyes even more.